You put on a condom and discover that you have a serious allergy to latex.
tsk, tsk.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Right to Protest, anyone?
It's November 09 2008. Just a little under a week ago we finally elected our first black president. This goes to show the sociologist that black man comes before white woman (Sarah Palin or Hilary Clinton). It was a monumental election... one that offered difference and change. But also in the state of California something life altering happened to my gays.
In May 2008 the State Supreme Court ruled that gay domestic partnerships were separate but equal, ruling the ban on gay marriage unconstitutional. Thousands of gay couples go married. No divorces yes (and believe me, I have a lot of lesbian friends), no fiscal impact on the state economy--with the exception of what happened in Sacramento but that's not our issue at hand. No one was taught about gay marriage in the schools. Those little children that knew about gays were hardly effected by it anyway.
But on November 5th the state ruled 52-48 that defines marriage as something between a man and a woman. The supporters of Proposition 8 cheered, claimed that democracy has done something right. Idiots, democracy does something for the majority, not for the right! I don't want anyone telling me what to do for my wedding; why should I have to tell someone what they can and can't do? This is America; where freedom should be upheld, not restricted, and especially in who someone can love.
So let us be American and do the best thing we know how to do: protest!
Join the many people who protest PEACEFULLY in the streets of Los Angeles, San Fransisco, San Diego, and any and every major city. Make our voices heard: we want equal rights.
The link below are upcoming protest events. Bring running shoes though just in case you happen to march... or things get ugly and then you'll have to run from the cops armored with riot gear. Should that happen remember the golden rule: run toward the television cameras so you have evidence to sue.
Until next time,
Poppy C. Montage!
In May 2008 the State Supreme Court ruled that gay domestic partnerships were separate but equal, ruling the ban on gay marriage unconstitutional. Thousands of gay couples go married. No divorces yes (and believe me, I have a lot of lesbian friends), no fiscal impact on the state economy--with the exception of what happened in Sacramento but that's not our issue at hand. No one was taught about gay marriage in the schools. Those little children that knew about gays were hardly effected by it anyway.
But on November 5th the state ruled 52-48 that defines marriage as something between a man and a woman. The supporters of Proposition 8 cheered, claimed that democracy has done something right. Idiots, democracy does something for the majority, not for the right! I don't want anyone telling me what to do for my wedding; why should I have to tell someone what they can and can't do? This is America; where freedom should be upheld, not restricted, and especially in who someone can love.
So let us be American and do the best thing we know how to do: protest!
Join the many people who protest PEACEFULLY in the streets of Los Angeles, San Fransisco, San Diego, and any and every major city. Make our voices heard: we want equal rights.
The link below are upcoming protest events. Bring running shoes though just in case you happen to march... or things get ugly and then you'll have to run from the cops armored with riot gear. Should that happen remember the golden rule: run toward the television cameras so you have evidence to sue.
Until next time,
Poppy C. Montage!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Teenagers (scare the living shit outta me)
My teenage brother is in that phase where he hates everything relevant in the household. I keep explaining it to my parents, whose parental skills were last tested during the Clinton administration, that their parenting is not the complete reason why my brother detests them. They're convince, illogically might I add, that they've been too strict with him and not letting him have more free time.
Personally with someone like my brother I question if he had enough strict time. And although being a proponent of positive reinforcement I feel that there are a few lines that has got to be drawn. At least to my observation that both their parental skills are viable, however when implemented onto the same child becomes incompatable. My mom's rules are strict and border Nazism where as my dads border stoicism.
Anyway, I should just cut to the chase: if you’re a proud gay/straight parent of a teenager, please PLEASE PLEASE don't blame yourself if your teenager kid acts up and/or shuts you out.
It's natural for them to hate you.
Your best bet is to outsmart them and or wait it out until they move away to college.
Oh and during an argument I think you should stop when they've said "whatever." That's usually teenage-lingo for conceding. Let them walk away and lick their wounds. Punish fairly, accordingly, and provide rationales so that way they know why they're being punished. It's also good to have around just in case they try to sue you during their emancipation hearing.
Personally with someone like my brother I question if he had enough strict time. And although being a proponent of positive reinforcement I feel that there are a few lines that has got to be drawn. At least to my observation that both their parental skills are viable, however when implemented onto the same child becomes incompatable. My mom's rules are strict and border Nazism where as my dads border stoicism.
Anyway, I should just cut to the chase: if you’re a proud gay/straight parent of a teenager, please PLEASE PLEASE don't blame yourself if your teenager kid acts up and/or shuts you out.
It's natural for them to hate you.
Your best bet is to outsmart them and or wait it out until they move away to college.
Oh and during an argument I think you should stop when they've said "whatever." That's usually teenage-lingo for conceding. Let them walk away and lick their wounds. Punish fairly, accordingly, and provide rationales so that way they know why they're being punished. It's also good to have around just in case they try to sue you during their emancipation hearing.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Song pick of the month
"Fog (Again)"
by: Radiohead
This band in my believe is the very root of the genre that became Coldplay, the Fray, etc. Although they're considered to not have as much momentum as their predecessors (although I beg to differ), their lyrics still are very deep. They manage to create metaphors that are completely from the left field. This month's song is by Radiohead, "Fog". When you read the lyrics below you will see why Radiohead is one of my favorite bands.
My interpretation of the song is about someone from the view of the singer, who's watched this person grow from a young excited little boy to someone who's done something unforgivable. It seems that the narrator blames himself/herself for the atrocity caused by the child and questions how could this transition have happened.
I have heard of other interpretations; one interesting on going around the internet is that this song is about war torn children. They begin life without a care and suddenly launched into a grim reality of civilization: the "fog" of war. They are forced to be ferocious, they are trained to kill or be killed, but they will always be considered children to someone who cared for them.
Lyrics: Fog
There's a little child
Running around this house
And he never leaves
He will never leave
And a fog comes up from the sewers
And glows in the dark
Baby alligators in the sewers
Grow up fast
Grow up fast
Anything you want
It can be done
How did you go bad?
Did you go bad?
Did you go bad?
S ome things never wash away
Did you go bad?
Did you go bad?
by: Radiohead
This band in my believe is the very root of the genre that became Coldplay, the Fray, etc. Although they're considered to not have as much momentum as their predecessors (although I beg to differ), their lyrics still are very deep. They manage to create metaphors that are completely from the left field. This month's song is by Radiohead, "Fog". When you read the lyrics below you will see why Radiohead is one of my favorite bands.
My interpretation of the song is about someone from the view of the singer, who's watched this person grow from a young excited little boy to someone who's done something unforgivable. It seems that the narrator blames himself/herself for the atrocity caused by the child and questions how could this transition have happened.
I have heard of other interpretations; one interesting on going around the internet is that this song is about war torn children. They begin life without a care and suddenly launched into a grim reality of civilization: the "fog" of war. They are forced to be ferocious, they are trained to kill or be killed, but they will always be considered children to someone who cared for them.
Lyrics: Fog
There's a little child
Running around this house
And he never leaves
He will never leave
And a fog comes up from the sewers
And glows in the dark
Baby alligators in the sewers
Grow up fast
Grow up fast
Anything you want
It can be done
How did you go bad?
Did you go bad?
Did you go bad?
S ome things never wash away
Did you go bad?
Did you go bad?
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Gay Aiken: Who Knew? (The Rest of The World, Actually)
Gay Aiken: Who Knew? (The Rest of the World, Actually)
We interrupt this blog for a special breaking “Obvious News”:
Clay Aiken is a homosexual!
Thank you. This has been another edition of “Obvious News”. We now return you to our regularly scheduled programming….
In a “shocking” news report yesterday season 2 American Idol runner up Clay Aiken admitted to the world his sexuality. Aiken who had recently just became a father via surrogate mother (his best friend) had made the decision to tell the world of his sexuality. Prior to become a parent, he was notorious for dodging the three word question that he felt would launch him into a category only few have manage to survive. He often met interviewers with head on aggression, saying that it was none of the world’s business; only his, God’s, and the people he loves.
But in and interview with People Magazine he said that he was compelled to tell the world the truth because he cannot raise a child where he would have to hide or lie about things (which in turn might make the child think that those things are okay. Reaction to this news is barely in its infancy. One fan even commented on his website saying that she was completely shocked to the point where she couldn’t function at work. Very few people have posted their opinions negatively. But this low and slow trend in negativity is good; give us an honest social deviant any day!
And although pretty much anyone with a gaydar knew about your sexuality, Mr. Aiken, I applaud you. You are one of the few who have set foot into the new social frontier of out (and proud) gay parenting. And although you will lose some fans, you will definitely pick up a large following that not only sees you as an artist, but an activist and a role model.
PS, I doubt your career will take a nose dive. Those things only happen to people whose news of their sexuality came out of the left field!
We salute you!
We interrupt this blog for a special breaking “Obvious News”:
Clay Aiken is a homosexual!
Thank you. This has been another edition of “Obvious News”. We now return you to our regularly scheduled programming….
In a “shocking” news report yesterday season 2 American Idol runner up Clay Aiken admitted to the world his sexuality. Aiken who had recently just became a father via surrogate mother (his best friend) had made the decision to tell the world of his sexuality. Prior to become a parent, he was notorious for dodging the three word question that he felt would launch him into a category only few have manage to survive. He often met interviewers with head on aggression, saying that it was none of the world’s business; only his, God’s, and the people he loves.
But in and interview with People Magazine he said that he was compelled to tell the world the truth because he cannot raise a child where he would have to hide or lie about things (which in turn might make the child think that those things are okay. Reaction to this news is barely in its infancy. One fan even commented on his website saying that she was completely shocked to the point where she couldn’t function at work. Very few people have posted their opinions negatively. But this low and slow trend in negativity is good; give us an honest social deviant any day!
And although pretty much anyone with a gaydar knew about your sexuality, Mr. Aiken, I applaud you. You are one of the few who have set foot into the new social frontier of out (and proud) gay parenting. And although you will lose some fans, you will definitely pick up a large following that not only sees you as an artist, but an activist and a role model.
PS, I doubt your career will take a nose dive. Those things only happen to people whose news of their sexuality came out of the left field!
We salute you!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Movie Pick
From the man who has brought us Raspberry Reich and Skin Flick, Bruce LaBruce releases another movie of a different kind. If you thought the other two films mentioned were trippier than a two-cent crack whore with a PhD., (and trust me, those films are if you’ve scene them) then I guarantee Otto; or Up with Dead People will certainly top all! Queer horror is a genre still barely in its infancy and Bruce LaBruce has contributed by giving it some growth hormones! Not only does he manage to alienate the movie goers but perhaps give a new meaning to “freaky gay sex”. Yes it’s a new ground to tread—a dark, comedic, necrophiliac-embracing treading! And if you’re the type that loves the feeling of being squeamish for varying reasons, then this film’s for you!
It’s about Otto (played by newcomer Jey Crisfar), a young zombie who rises from the dead and wanders the streets of Berlin. He is homeless, as I supposed most zombies are, and faces several accounts of anti-zombie attacks from the living. He wanders through the Berlin gay scene and eventually winding up being cast in a zombie film by a hyper necro-obsessed lesbian director that wants to depict the similarities of homosexuality and zombies. (Really?) What stands out about it is that above the film and the gay sex the protagonist constantly battles with his zombie existence; does he really have to eat flesh? What the hell are the flashbacks of the former lover is about? I’ll tell you one thing; it’s got everyone saying not only “what the hell” but “wtf!”
If you’re unfamiliar with LaBruce’s work I highly encourage you to get to know it before seeing this film. I have read several accounts of people who were damn well offended in certain scenes—particularly the “belly fuck” scene where a zombie copulates into(?) the wound of a recent kill. Many people walked out. Many people gave it bad reviews. Particularly my opinion is that this was because of their unfamiliarity of the nature of a LaBruce film. It’s a very satirical film and never meant to be taken seriously. There are a lot of subtleties in that film, for example the fact that the lesbian director did captuer much of LaBruce’s actual loud and socio-political views. Did I mention the gay sex? Most LaBruce films contain gay porn actors who do what they do best: gay sex. And although this film would definitively make a nun toss her cookies, this is a very (ironically) bright and actually a worth-to-see film. But once again let me state: get over the empirically offensive.
I’m sending Gay Henchman on assignment and watch this film. He’s not into zombie films; in fact he’s damn near terrified of them, but I’m sure the gay sex will make up for it!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
The bitter gay
Quote of the Day:
"I try not to let my sexuality define my individuality."
Gay Henchman's Response:
Hahaha! You silly, stupid little gay!
"I try not to let my sexuality define my individuality."
Gay Henchman's Response:
Hahaha! You silly, stupid little gay!
Old Earth Day Post
I got my computer fixed!
However that's not an excuse for not posting as much as I should.
I did find an old blog I was supposed to post up around Earth Day!
But I just got home from being licked by hyper hippie powers. Yes, LICKED--and not in a sexy way too. And chanting. Oh my goodness I thought I attended a pagan congregation!
It was the Earth Day celebration in Los Angeles and I need a shower. I had a blast thought.
I was given dirty looks when I asked to eat something that had been maimed.
I also shouldn't have stated that the reason why I eat meat was that I was getting even for the plants.
I guess I should have chosen my words a little more carefuly.
Happy Earth Day!
However that's not an excuse for not posting as much as I should.
I did find an old blog I was supposed to post up around Earth Day!
But I just got home from being licked by hyper hippie powers. Yes, LICKED--and not in a sexy way too. And chanting. Oh my goodness I thought I attended a pagan congregation!
It was the Earth Day celebration in Los Angeles and I need a shower. I had a blast thought.
I was given dirty looks when I asked to eat something that had been maimed.
I also shouldn't have stated that the reason why I eat meat was that I was getting even for the plants.
I guess I should have chosen my words a little more carefuly.
Happy Earth Day!
Friday, August 29, 2008
Did everyone catch it? Was everyone as glued to the Olympics as I was? I was so devoted to its schedule that I actually diverted my whole busy schedule so that I could maximize my Olympic watching time--Gay Henchman says "get a life."
But I watched the Olympics for the sport unlike Gay Henchman who watched the sport for the wrong reason. So this struck an epiphany: who are the 29th Olympiads' hottest? So together with GH we compiled a list of the Olympic's hottest. Oh yes, this isn't in order mind you. This is also subjective, most of these men happened to be attractive on mine and GH's list--it's both a compliment and depressing that I have the same taste as a 24 year old gay man.
Novak Djokovic (Serbia, Tennis):
He ended up losing the doubles team in the first roung but winning the bronze in the singles match. Not great... but considered one of the highest paid tennis players out there. Not baseball player rich but close enough.
Alexandre Despatie (Canada, Diving)
The diving rockstar of Canada, this young man ended up winning silver in the men's 3M springboard.
Mauro Nespoli (Italy Archery)
When they competed against South Korea for the gold, this guy made the blunder. GH didn't care though, he had nice eyes.
Jonathan Horton (US Gymnastics)
An all American gymnist won silver in the high bar. He and his teamates also got the bronze medal for team all around gymnastics.
Picture: okay, he's the shorter one (the one who would be a bottom according to GH). GH found this picture and begged me to post it for comical purposes. If Mr. Horton does read this (and I hope he doesn't)... please don't sue me for slander. I do not know your sexuality nor would I be inclined to make a conviction.
Eamon Sullivan (Austrailia Swimming)
It was interesting to watch this because for the 100 free style long course the French swimmer Alain Bernard had taken his record away during the preliminaries. Two days later he had taken it back.
Aaron Piersol (US Swimming)
"There's something about this guy's face" said GH. I noticed that when GH and I watched this together he was staring at his body more than his face, that pervert.
He Chong (China Diving) (pictured on the left)
One of the 7 Chinese gold medal winners in the diving competition.
Qin Kai (China, diver)
After being a two time world champion, he was favored (of China) to win the gold medal in Beijiing. He managed to get a bronze in the individual final however managed to win gold in the synchronized springboard with team diver Wang Feng.
Matthew Mitchum (Australia, Diver)
Openly gay (but taken). This is the guy who took the great "eight for eight" diving gold rush from China. GH: "The even better thing is that we're watching him wearing nothing but that."
But I watched the Olympics for the sport unlike Gay Henchman who watched the sport for the wrong reason. So this struck an epiphany: who are the 29th Olympiads' hottest? So together with GH we compiled a list of the Olympic's hottest. Oh yes, this isn't in order mind you. This is also subjective, most of these men happened to be attractive on mine and GH's list--it's both a compliment and depressing that I have the same taste as a 24 year old gay man.
Novak Djokovic (Serbia, Tennis):
He ended up losing the doubles team in the first roung but winning the bronze in the singles match. Not great... but considered one of the highest paid tennis players out there. Not baseball player rich but close enough.
Alexandre Despatie (Canada, Diving)
The diving rockstar of Canada, this young man ended up winning silver in the men's 3M springboard.
Mauro Nespoli (Italy Archery)
When they competed against South Korea for the gold, this guy made the blunder. GH didn't care though, he had nice eyes.
Jonathan Horton (US Gymnastics)
An all American gymnist won silver in the high bar. He and his teamates also got the bronze medal for team all around gymnastics.
Picture: okay, he's the shorter one (the one who would be a bottom according to GH). GH found this picture and begged me to post it for comical purposes. If Mr. Horton does read this (and I hope he doesn't)... please don't sue me for slander. I do not know your sexuality nor would I be inclined to make a conviction.
Eamon Sullivan (Austrailia Swimming)
It was interesting to watch this because for the 100 free style long course the French swimmer Alain Bernard had taken his record away during the preliminaries. Two days later he had taken it back.
Aaron Piersol (US Swimming)
"There's something about this guy's face" said GH. I noticed that when GH and I watched this together he was staring at his body more than his face, that pervert.
He Chong (China Diving) (pictured on the left)
One of the 7 Chinese gold medal winners in the diving competition.
Qin Kai (China, diver)
After being a two time world champion, he was favored (of China) to win the gold medal in Beijiing. He managed to get a bronze in the individual final however managed to win gold in the synchronized springboard with team diver Wang Feng.
Matthew Mitchum (Australia, Diver)
Openly gay (but taken). This is the guy who took the great "eight for eight" diving gold rush from China. GH: "The even better thing is that we're watching him wearing nothing but that."
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Adele: A Brief Music Pick of The Month
I was surfing through some comments of this singer "Adele" and I came across these two comments (the second one a response to the first). I gotta say it made me laugh outloud:
first comment
"[Adele] is like what would happen if Amy Winehouse, Anita Baker, Chrisette Michele, and Kelly Osborne all had one musical child. Then there's something that only [Adele] brings. This woman is to be looked out for."
Second comment following:
"That's kind of awful to tell someone that... I mean... really...."
And she is really. The first song I heard from her is "Hometown Glory" which got me hooked. I wouldn't go as far as to say that she is the love child of the four. Winehouse probably--although I wouldn't recommend having any babies with her at the moment seeing her current over-drugged state (great singer though). But I think that she's got a very powerful female voice that's often missed by the musical attaches. Most female singers nowadays are praised for their ability to hit high notes and break glassware. As for myself I prefer lower key notes. Such artist that would be compared to her are Lauryn Hill, Brandi Carlile, and Natalie Cole (well somewhat Natalie Cole, but only because at the moment I can't think of anyone else.
I managed to get Gay Henchman to play it for me on the piano many times until his fingers bled. But not to worry for those of you who still worry about his abusive treatment: he agreed and got paid for his time.
first comment
"[Adele] is like what would happen if Amy Winehouse, Anita Baker, Chrisette Michele, and Kelly Osborne all had one musical child. Then there's something that only [Adele] brings. This woman is to be looked out for."
Second comment following:
"That's kind of awful to tell someone that... I mean... really...."
And she is really. The first song I heard from her is "Hometown Glory" which got me hooked. I wouldn't go as far as to say that she is the love child of the four. Winehouse probably--although I wouldn't recommend having any babies with her at the moment seeing her current over-drugged state (great singer though). But I think that she's got a very powerful female voice that's often missed by the musical attaches. Most female singers nowadays are praised for their ability to hit high notes and break glassware. As for myself I prefer lower key notes. Such artist that would be compared to her are Lauryn Hill, Brandi Carlile, and Natalie Cole (well somewhat Natalie Cole, but only because at the moment I can't think of anyone else.
I managed to get Gay Henchman to play it for me on the piano many times until his fingers bled. But not to worry for those of you who still worry about his abusive treatment: he agreed and got paid for his time.
Monday, May 19, 2008
One Beauty of Water
Dear Poppy,
I live in the eastern parts of Los Angeles where we're prone to triple digits. But when I go to the beach I end up wearing a jacket. Why is it cold at the beach when it's scorching at home?
signed,
Hot and irritable
Dear H.I.
It's hot in Los Angeles, no one will dismiss that!
If you live in the desert you complain of the heat. If you live in the tropics you complain of the humidity. Personally I'd rather live in dry heat. I think I can speak for everyone when I say that one is less irritable when they're not marinating in their own sweat. I'm less irritated when I'm not marinating in my own sweat.
But we both live in Southern California. We get the best of both worlds.
But answering your question is very simple (why can't you ask me a gay related question?!): water.
Water is a lovely substance. And you should be glad that the earth is hugged by a lot of it or else the temperature on this planet would be as hot as Venus. For you see, my baby, one of the unique beauties of water is that it has a very high specific heat. Simply put in this case is that water can absorb a lot of heat before its own temperature raises. It's the same principle to stepping into a puddle on a hot day. The puddle is far cooler than the concrete around it. And since coastal cities are, as the name implies, near the coast; the heat that they get gets absorbed by the body of water: the ocean.
But please, don't try to mock the cooling effects of the ocean by breaking the hydrants and flooding your neighborhood. There's already a water shortage.
Just deal with the valley/inland heat by buying an energy efficient air conditioner or go spend your time someplace where it's cooler (like the library or the mall).
Until next time!
Poppy C.U. Montage
Friday, May 16, 2008
You Gays Can Get Married Now (... nice!)
Gay Henchman runs into my room yesterday morning and hurls a newspaper at the foot of my bed. I chew my toast (because I always have my toast in bed) and look nonchallantly at the newspaper.
He's jumping around, an expression on his face that can easily shame a lotto winner.
"Aren't you glad?" he asks me, "I can get married now!"
I joke around to bruise ego. "That is if you have a man you can marry."
But he did not care for my comments, he was too happy of the California State Supreme Court ruling the gay marriage ban unconstitutional.
As he should. After all gays are a part of this society. If they want to contribute the the sky-rocketing divorce rate, I don't see why they shouldn't!
But I had to clarify Gay Henchman's understanding of the verdict. The law was nullified and declared unconstitutional. It's just simply saying that the state can't ban him from getting married to "a dude"... however there's no law that says he can either. The court can't legalize anything... only explain or justify. That's what the legislature is for.
But that shouldn't stop him from getting hitched Vegas style. After all this country was founded on setting various precedents. I say: why not get married while there's still dust in the air from this victory?
I do foresee this as the beginning of a new gay rights movement though as sexual orientation does encompass a myriad of issues that entangles race, gender, and class. For example can one gain citizenship from a gay marriage? Can gays now sue because the "don't ask don't tell" policy is a form of discrimination?
I sure am excited to live in this day of history!
He's jumping around, an expression on his face that can easily shame a lotto winner.
"Aren't you glad?" he asks me, "I can get married now!"
I joke around to bruise ego. "That is if you have a man you can marry."
But he did not care for my comments, he was too happy of the California State Supreme Court ruling the gay marriage ban unconstitutional.
As he should. After all gays are a part of this society. If they want to contribute the the sky-rocketing divorce rate, I don't see why they shouldn't!
But I had to clarify Gay Henchman's understanding of the verdict. The law was nullified and declared unconstitutional. It's just simply saying that the state can't ban him from getting married to "a dude"... however there's no law that says he can either. The court can't legalize anything... only explain or justify. That's what the legislature is for.
But that shouldn't stop him from getting hitched Vegas style. After all this country was founded on setting various precedents. I say: why not get married while there's still dust in the air from this victory?
I do foresee this as the beginning of a new gay rights movement though as sexual orientation does encompass a myriad of issues that entangles race, gender, and class. For example can one gain citizenship from a gay marriage? Can gays now sue because the "don't ask don't tell" policy is a form of discrimination?
I sure am excited to live in this day of history!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Using Your Good Looks To Climb The Working Ladder
Dear Poppy
I'm a 23 y/o out of college starting my first professional job. I consider myself a hard worker but I don't think it’s a quality that will get me to better things. I also consider myself pretty attractive, a 10 out of 10! Should I put what God gave me to good use? Do you think it's okay for me to use my sexuality to get ahead?
signed,
Potentially Sexual
Dear Kinetic Horn-Tooter,
A ten, eh? Send me a pic, I'll be sure to find something wrong with ya!
Kidding.
My personal opinion is that people have the right to happily flaunt whatever they have regardless if they have it or not... given that they'd want to (as well as it not being considered a misdemeanor). But there is a time and place. However to that I will say that timing and placement are subjective! You don't seem to mind to shake what your momma gave you--and that's completely fine! just make sure you're the people's type.
But before you do, you should be aware that you're lookin' to
1) You want to be objectified. Everyone has a right to do what they wish... even if it's to set certain civil rights a few years back.
2) Actual Sex: You don't think with all that flaunting that the flaunted will just stop at the stares, right? It's human nature to look, then smell, then touch (and if they're kinky, taste!) Be prepared to be asked to be asked to put out for the executives, ho! But I'm sure you'll be okay with looking at your fine self in your soon-to-be corner office. Also beware: some of your superiors are married... and have money (who can afford to have you killed, j/k)
3) You want to be labeled as the "token wench": Your superiors (or whoever you're trying to attract) may like you, but your competitors won't. They will eat you like you're marinated in A1 Steak Sauce. Another thing is that it's kind of hard to be taken seriously once you've been barred as the company slut... and it's also hard to ditch the name (unless of course you suddenly became ugly the next day. But let's face it, I'm sure you look good in ANYTHING, right?). You may also want to think aboout what your current coworkers will say about you if you move onto a different job. People love to gossip, otherwise the gossip collumns would have gone bankrupt decades ago.
4) You want to come off as unprofessional: I have seen many good-looking critters out of a job because of this. There are many things one can do to come off as unprofessional. No matter what level, being a skank is one of them. Once you are viewed as unprofessional (on top of being the token wench) then it's EXTREMELY difficult to restore people's faith in your work ethic. You should also memorize the company's policy on sexual harassment. Chances are you will make a coworker uncomfortable (most likely one of the uglier ones) and they will report you. And people aren't as reserved as they were in the olden days. This is modern America. EVERYONE has opinions and gives them (even when it's not required).
And I'm not saying that the latter situations are guaranteed to happen. Many people do use their good traits to get ahead. Some of them succeed and get to the top. But there are also other ways. I'm glad you're a hard worker; I've never heard of one who doesn't advance. Well actually I have, but they never have the nerve to ask to be promoted. (If the latter still doesn't happen, then it's time to move to a different job because that my kiddies is called "exploitation"!)
For you, my darling, work hard and keep tooting your horn. It's probably better to be heard of your AND THEN seen. Yes, you'll annoy people but it's not as ethically conflicting!
Until Next Time,
Poppy C.U. Montage
I'm a 23 y/o out of college starting my first professional job. I consider myself a hard worker but I don't think it’s a quality that will get me to better things. I also consider myself pretty attractive, a 10 out of 10! Should I put what God gave me to good use? Do you think it's okay for me to use my sexuality to get ahead?
signed,
Potentially Sexual
Dear Kinetic Horn-Tooter,
A ten, eh? Send me a pic, I'll be sure to find something wrong with ya!
Kidding.
My personal opinion is that people have the right to happily flaunt whatever they have regardless if they have it or not... given that they'd want to (as well as it not being considered a misdemeanor). But there is a time and place. However to that I will say that timing and placement are subjective! You don't seem to mind to shake what your momma gave you--and that's completely fine! just make sure you're the people's type.
But before you do, you should be aware that you're lookin' to
1) You want to be objectified. Everyone has a right to do what they wish... even if it's to set certain civil rights a few years back.
2) Actual Sex: You don't think with all that flaunting that the flaunted will just stop at the stares, right? It's human nature to look, then smell, then touch (and if they're kinky, taste!) Be prepared to be asked to be asked to put out for the executives, ho! But I'm sure you'll be okay with looking at your fine self in your soon-to-be corner office. Also beware: some of your superiors are married... and have money (who can afford to have you killed, j/k)
3) You want to be labeled as the "token wench": Your superiors (or whoever you're trying to attract) may like you, but your competitors won't. They will eat you like you're marinated in A1 Steak Sauce. Another thing is that it's kind of hard to be taken seriously once you've been barred as the company slut... and it's also hard to ditch the name (unless of course you suddenly became ugly the next day. But let's face it, I'm sure you look good in ANYTHING, right?). You may also want to think aboout what your current coworkers will say about you if you move onto a different job. People love to gossip, otherwise the gossip collumns would have gone bankrupt decades ago.
4) You want to come off as unprofessional: I have seen many good-looking critters out of a job because of this. There are many things one can do to come off as unprofessional. No matter what level, being a skank is one of them. Once you are viewed as unprofessional (on top of being the token wench) then it's EXTREMELY difficult to restore people's faith in your work ethic. You should also memorize the company's policy on sexual harassment. Chances are you will make a coworker uncomfortable (most likely one of the uglier ones) and they will report you. And people aren't as reserved as they were in the olden days. This is modern America. EVERYONE has opinions and gives them (even when it's not required).
And I'm not saying that the latter situations are guaranteed to happen. Many people do use their good traits to get ahead. Some of them succeed and get to the top. But there are also other ways. I'm glad you're a hard worker; I've never heard of one who doesn't advance. Well actually I have, but they never have the nerve to ask to be promoted. (If the latter still doesn't happen, then it's time to move to a different job because that my kiddies is called "exploitation"!)
For you, my darling, work hard and keep tooting your horn. It's probably better to be heard of your AND THEN seen. Yes, you'll annoy people but it's not as ethically conflicting!
Until Next Time,
Poppy C.U. Montage
Monday, May 5, 2008
Bad Day (Daniel Powter eat your heart out)
Bad Day (Daniel Powter eat your heart out!)
Today has been a cascading effect of misfortunes. Every person at least has one a year but I think in my case, and this being an optimistic view, I have a bad season. It just came as a shock to me that I had to declare this day a bad day half way around noon.
So what has happened to me you might ask? Well for started I was doing my finances today and I realize that I'm missing money. A LOT OF IT. I'm very good with tracking my finances, using not only various computer programs, but also keeping track of my green trail manually. After interrogating (as well as torturing) Gay Henchman and declaring him innocent of this crime, he helped me recount my finances of this month. "You're missing money. A lot of it," he redundantly concurred.
My plants suffered mass extinction. For some unknown reason insects and gastropods (snails and slugs) found my botanical haven to be the more appetizing than the surrounding neighborhoods and decided to have a buffet Packman style. Among the casualty is my favorite potted gardenia of which I have had for almost 10 years. There is slightly a silver lining to this: although most of my gardenia was found chewed up, a small portion of It remains untouched. Perhaps I can pay Gay Henchman for his green thumb. After all he is a budding botanist!
(he read it and said not just a no, but a "HELL no".)
My computer crashed. This happened roughly around the time Gay Henchman and I were outside observing the mass herbicide. Thanks to my Gay Computer Tech Support who advised me to always back up my files, I backed up my hard drive just about a week ago. The bad news to this week has been a productive week for me. I had written quite a few new things. My pile of things to edit had been diminished. But sad to say I must repeat all of that ordeal once more. I'd pay someone to do it, but apparently I'm missing money.
These series of demoralizing events makes me want to drink but I think I shall hold off on that. Drinking's for celebration and not to make the problems go away (with the exception of a family member). Sigh* looks like I just have to keep at it! Hell if this keeps up I'll be gunned down AND run over by a car by 10 PM!
On the bright side, I did buy a lottery ticket. This all maybe just prepaid Karma and that something good will come along in the near future. I mean after all I have been a good little Poppy Montage!
Until then,
Poppy C.U. Montage!
Today has been a cascading effect of misfortunes. Every person at least has one a year but I think in my case, and this being an optimistic view, I have a bad season. It just came as a shock to me that I had to declare this day a bad day half way around noon.
So what has happened to me you might ask? Well for started I was doing my finances today and I realize that I'm missing money. A LOT OF IT. I'm very good with tracking my finances, using not only various computer programs, but also keeping track of my green trail manually. After interrogating (as well as torturing) Gay Henchman and declaring him innocent of this crime, he helped me recount my finances of this month. "You're missing money. A lot of it," he redundantly concurred.
My plants suffered mass extinction. For some unknown reason insects and gastropods (snails and slugs) found my botanical haven to be the more appetizing than the surrounding neighborhoods and decided to have a buffet Packman style. Among the casualty is my favorite potted gardenia of which I have had for almost 10 years. There is slightly a silver lining to this: although most of my gardenia was found chewed up, a small portion of It remains untouched. Perhaps I can pay Gay Henchman for his green thumb. After all he is a budding botanist!
(he read it and said not just a no, but a "HELL no".)
My computer crashed. This happened roughly around the time Gay Henchman and I were outside observing the mass herbicide. Thanks to my Gay Computer Tech Support who advised me to always back up my files, I backed up my hard drive just about a week ago. The bad news to this week has been a productive week for me. I had written quite a few new things. My pile of things to edit had been diminished. But sad to say I must repeat all of that ordeal once more. I'd pay someone to do it, but apparently I'm missing money.
These series of demoralizing events makes me want to drink but I think I shall hold off on that. Drinking's for celebration and not to make the problems go away (with the exception of a family member). Sigh* looks like I just have to keep at it! Hell if this keeps up I'll be gunned down AND run over by a car by 10 PM!
On the bright side, I did buy a lottery ticket. This all maybe just prepaid Karma and that something good will come along in the near future. I mean after all I have been a good little Poppy Montage!
Until then,
Poppy C.U. Montage!
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Okay So It's Not The Flower Fields of Carlsbad (but I think better)
Someday I Will Get Fired!
Good thing I have the option to work on this whenever I can otherwise I would get fired for my inability to commit to a deadline. But, like most of my time-rich things in my life, journalism is something I prefer to leave to the professionals.
… I’m Poppy Montage, who said anything about me being a professional?!
Unfortunately, due to an illness, I couldn't get to see the Carlsbad Flower Fields. That has been put off for the next peaked rainy season (which is probably the next election year). But this week I travel to the far corners of Los Angeles County to observe one of the most spectacular things a city dweller (like myself) can see. No the photo above you is not a product of Photoshop. There are many reasons why California is nicknamed “The Golden State.” There are two main reasons. The first is the discovery of gold in Northern California Mountains which sparked the Gold Rush. The California Poppy, evident from the picture above, is the second reason.
Botanically speaking the California Poppy wasn’t the only plant to make the landscapes of California golden; many of the state’s native perennial population aided. However, when Europeans settled in North America, much of the landscape was changed by invasive species. Brightly hued flora was replaced with golden brown. Unprotected hills to this day still turn gold, but they’re not as vivid and they are usually from grasses.
The area you are looking at now is a protected land in the Antelope Valley called the California Poppy Reserve. From downtown Los Angeles you’re looking at an hour and a half car ride, while the nearest city is Lancaster. If you’re into nature this is surely one event worth seeing!
Poppies bloom roughly from March through late May. The best time I would recommend is going to the reserve around mid to late April, as blooming is at peak and you will see the golden carpet of poppies as far as the eye can see. There are other plants that also bloom there such as an endangered fiddleneck that Gay Henchman almost stepped on. Occasionally as you walk around you will spot a white flower blooming in incongruity, usually a dahlia or a dandelion.
We arrived late in the afternoon. The reason why we left so late is because we wanted to avoid the deadly desert heat. Much to our surprise the temperature was actually very comfortable, offering gentle breezes and cloud filled skies. Now there are both a good side and a bad side to arriving at 5:15 in the afternoon. On the bad side we were unfortunate enough to arrive and find that the reserve had just closed for the day (Weekend hours are 10AM-5PM) Contrary to that, we were free to stop on the side of the road and venture off into the fields outside of the reserve.
It’s really breathtaking when you get there. Looking at this picture and enjoying it is one thing, but having to actually be physically there is another. No camera, no matter how well it is adjusted to a panoramic setting, will ever compare to actually being there.
Okay, just because we took the less taken paths to the poppies, it wasn’t necessarily legal. The Golden Poppy is protected by three governments and if you were caught I understood you could be facing heavy fines and possible jail time. (It’s weird because what will the other inmates think of you when you went to jail for stepping on flowers?! You’ll become someone’s bitch by the end of that hour!) Local authorities do periodically patrol outside of the reserve for people who do get out of their cars and take pictures. Fortunately we had already finished looking around and was about to leave when they passed by us. After some brief discussion about how delicate this ecosystem was, we managed to convince them that we barely arrived.
But Gay Henchman did some frolicking. I think that’s allowed. After all he is a homosexual. I think it’s a requirement for them to frolic when they come across this certain landscape. It would violate all laws of homosexuality if he didn’t.
Monday, April 28, 2008
We're So Starving...
For those of you Panic at The Disco fanatics, you will know everything from the title. If you’re anything like me—whose level of familiarity with the band is via overhearing their well-orchestrated singing from another (in my case is Gay Henchman)—then you may need a little more explaining. But to save myself the time, you should go ahead and Google the lyrics. Go on, my bunnies. Get!
Or if you’re anything like my Uncle Stewie, who loathes being directed by a stranger, let me go ahead and give you the gist. It's a short song, pretty much with the lyrics:
Oh how it's been so long
We're so sorry we've been gone.
We were writing songs for you.
You don't have to worry because we're still the same
I chose the song because it seems somewhat fitting to the long awaited return of habitual blogging. Also after hearing it play many times from Gay Henchman (I think this was deliberate) it got stuck in my head and possibly might be the only way to make it go away. But yes, I was gone for the month. I miss you all. Now I am back. Like before of brand new? Well you be the judge….
Tada!
Three words will describe the crux of why I have been gone for the month of April: I am sick. When dear Ol’ Poppy meets a virus, they apparently get to know each other very well. This relationship has extended to the point where my life was put in jeopardy; although, histrionics aside, I do admit that my capacity of energy has diminished thus preventing me from blogging. And very much like the deep understanding of the gay community, this bad bug was introduced to me by my very own henchman.
But no matter as he has been so kind enough to dedicate his time to fulfilling all my chores and errands (with the promise to get paid of course, after all who in this society wants to work for me for free?!). And let me once again state to the viewers what an awesome find Gay Henchman has been for me! So I thank him once again.
Just because I had taken a break from blogging in the month of April, that doesn’t mean that the constant moving modules of my life were shifted to a stagnant state. Indeed it sure felt that way at times, but I fought. Perhaps it was of perfunctory effort, but effort to rebel against the stagnation nonetheless. But I chose to take a break from writing overall. Instead I took to the streets and walked around, meandering optimistically (the medicine could also be a possible source of “giddiness”) in hopes to find an adventure.
And I did. Not only did many side adventures happened, but also the traditions of April that I sowed and followed many years back. For one thing, my Volunteer Season has begun. As the name implies, it’s the time of the year where I start to do more volunteering for the community. These acts would also follow on several festivities which I try to take part of. For example the Earth Day festivals that goes on in several parts of the county. Sadly I have to report that I could not make it to one of my traditions due to a relapse in my health.
But please, take no pity in Poppy Montage. I am a perfectly healthy human being. I just have the most unfortunate epidemiological luck. The Center of Disease Control would love me!
For the month of April,
Poppy Montage!
Or if you’re anything like my Uncle Stewie, who loathes being directed by a stranger, let me go ahead and give you the gist. It's a short song, pretty much with the lyrics:
Oh how it's been so long
We're so sorry we've been gone.
We were writing songs for you.
You don't have to worry because we're still the same
I chose the song because it seems somewhat fitting to the long awaited return of habitual blogging. Also after hearing it play many times from Gay Henchman (I think this was deliberate) it got stuck in my head and possibly might be the only way to make it go away. But yes, I was gone for the month. I miss you all. Now I am back. Like before of brand new? Well you be the judge….
Tada!
Three words will describe the crux of why I have been gone for the month of April: I am sick. When dear Ol’ Poppy meets a virus, they apparently get to know each other very well. This relationship has extended to the point where my life was put in jeopardy; although, histrionics aside, I do admit that my capacity of energy has diminished thus preventing me from blogging. And very much like the deep understanding of the gay community, this bad bug was introduced to me by my very own henchman.
But no matter as he has been so kind enough to dedicate his time to fulfilling all my chores and errands (with the promise to get paid of course, after all who in this society wants to work for me for free?!). And let me once again state to the viewers what an awesome find Gay Henchman has been for me! So I thank him once again.
Just because I had taken a break from blogging in the month of April, that doesn’t mean that the constant moving modules of my life were shifted to a stagnant state. Indeed it sure felt that way at times, but I fought. Perhaps it was of perfunctory effort, but effort to rebel against the stagnation nonetheless. But I chose to take a break from writing overall. Instead I took to the streets and walked around, meandering optimistically (the medicine could also be a possible source of “giddiness”) in hopes to find an adventure.
And I did. Not only did many side adventures happened, but also the traditions of April that I sowed and followed many years back. For one thing, my Volunteer Season has begun. As the name implies, it’s the time of the year where I start to do more volunteering for the community. These acts would also follow on several festivities which I try to take part of. For example the Earth Day festivals that goes on in several parts of the county. Sadly I have to report that I could not make it to one of my traditions due to a relapse in my health.
But please, take no pity in Poppy Montage. I am a perfectly healthy human being. I just have the most unfortunate epidemiological luck. The Center of Disease Control would love me!
For the month of April,
Poppy Montage!
Friday, March 21, 2008
Carlsbad Flower Fields (over my diseased ridden body)
Good morning my babies! It’s going to be Easter weekend! Any plans?
This Sunday I plan to visit the Carlsbad Flower Fields.
That is of course if I don’t catch pneumonia and die.
I’m not a hypochondriac (you’re not a hypochondriac if you swear you only have one disease). But yes, dear ol’ Poppy is sick to his stomach. My joints ache like a 85 year-old arthritic woman with osteoporosis. My head is throbbing—and in a perfect tempo as well; I would probably join in with my tambourine if I don’t hurt when I move around. I’m retaining water. If I knew I wasn’t on my period I’d have think that.
But these are usually my regular symptoms of an incoming sickness. And I kind of like to be warned ahead of time because it would give me ample time to attempt to curb my sickness by downing many pills of vitamin C and other immuno-reinforcements.
Hopefully those reinforcements hold up. I really don’t want to be miserable when I go here!
(PS I think I might know the culprit of my misfortune)
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
St. Patrick's Day 2008
For St. Patrick's Day, Gay Henchman invited me over to his friend's house for a small family dinner. I think he and his friend are dating. Or they're boyfriends. Or their interests in each other are barely budding--but then again they're not lesbians. With the rather hazy boundaries of gay relationships nowadays they could just be really good friends. Or friends with benefits, a concept that I'm still finding incomprehensible.
Anyway his family was very lovely. They're not Irish by the way, just the type of family that grew up closely-knit. And although most of their kids are grown up, they do try to have as many get-togethers as time will allow them to. I'm sure they have their own family problems just like everyone else, but these sorts of events in themselves would deem them the exemplary American family. At least in my opinion. Usually modeled institutions from my perspective are constructed from the lacking of society now.
Anyway, they were also welcoming to newcomers such as myself. However when I told them that I am strictly sober, they looked at me as if I had a platypus suddenly appear on my shoulder. But they were accommodating as they served me green apple cider in a wine class--which was a very nice gesture. They just think now that at one point in my life I was a terrible drunkard, haha!
The dinner consisted of the "traditional" St. Patrick's meal: soda bread, leak and carrot, potatoes au gratin (French, but it was good nonetheless), and corned beef. But my complements to GH's friend's mother, whom so far had made the best soda bread and potato au gratin I have ever tasted. I failed though in trying to coax the secret ingredients out of her. For a woman who can hold her alcohol, she can hold her secrets!
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The above comic was sent to me by Gay Henchman, which made me laugh outloud. Thank goodness I found him.
Anyway his family was very lovely. They're not Irish by the way, just the type of family that grew up closely-knit. And although most of their kids are grown up, they do try to have as many get-togethers as time will allow them to. I'm sure they have their own family problems just like everyone else, but these sorts of events in themselves would deem them the exemplary American family. At least in my opinion. Usually modeled institutions from my perspective are constructed from the lacking of society now.
Anyway, they were also welcoming to newcomers such as myself. However when I told them that I am strictly sober, they looked at me as if I had a platypus suddenly appear on my shoulder. But they were accommodating as they served me green apple cider in a wine class--which was a very nice gesture. They just think now that at one point in my life I was a terrible drunkard, haha!
The dinner consisted of the "traditional" St. Patrick's meal: soda bread, leak and carrot, potatoes au gratin (French, but it was good nonetheless), and corned beef. But my complements to GH's friend's mother, whom so far had made the best soda bread and potato au gratin I have ever tasted. I failed though in trying to coax the secret ingredients out of her. For a woman who can hold her alcohol, she can hold her secrets!
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The above comic was sent to me by Gay Henchman, which made me laugh outloud. Thank goodness I found him.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Tip of the Day: Applesauce instead of Butter
Tip of the Day:
Instead of using butter when baking muffins, cakes, and breads; you can use a 1:1 ratio of nonsweetened applesauce as a healthier alternative. Because applesauce contains no fat, it is not only a healthier alternative but you will get a more moist texture. Let me just warn you though that although applesauce does have the same baking effect as butter, it does take a longer time in the oven. So don't panic if you stick a toothpick in the middle of the bread and still get goo when it's already been in there for the suggested amount of time.
If you do however plan to use sweetened applesauce, you should halve the amount of sugar the recipe initially calls for because sweetened applesauce also contains almost a 1:1 ratio of apples to sugar. Unless you're a sweet tooth and you like your food to be as sweet as molases. (But when I think of molases, I think of boiled moles for some reason).
This healthy alternative is not intended for cookies or brownies as their consistency tends to be different from cakes, muffins, and breads. You can use this healthier alternative, don't get me wrong, but the end product you will get will be so moist that the square of brownie or the cookie will bend and break apart picked up. But if you prefer this kind of brownie/cookie as there are some out there in the bakeries, then by all means use it!
Instead of using butter when baking muffins, cakes, and breads; you can use a 1:1 ratio of nonsweetened applesauce as a healthier alternative. Because applesauce contains no fat, it is not only a healthier alternative but you will get a more moist texture. Let me just warn you though that although applesauce does have the same baking effect as butter, it does take a longer time in the oven. So don't panic if you stick a toothpick in the middle of the bread and still get goo when it's already been in there for the suggested amount of time.
If you do however plan to use sweetened applesauce, you should halve the amount of sugar the recipe initially calls for because sweetened applesauce also contains almost a 1:1 ratio of apples to sugar. Unless you're a sweet tooth and you like your food to be as sweet as molases. (But when I think of molases, I think of boiled moles for some reason).
This healthy alternative is not intended for cookies or brownies as their consistency tends to be different from cakes, muffins, and breads. You can use this healthier alternative, don't get me wrong, but the end product you will get will be so moist that the square of brownie or the cookie will bend and break apart picked up. But if you prefer this kind of brownie/cookie as there are some out there in the bakeries, then by all means use it!
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Mommy Likes Ladies
Dear Poppy,
My relationship between my mom and I have gotten better since I came out. Right now I even think of myself as the "the favorite son". But ever since then I'm beginning to feel awkward about her interest in women. She says things like "she's so cute" or I even catch her looking at women's tits. Is my mom a lesbian or does she think that since I'm gay that it's okay for her to be gay too? I don't know if I'd be able to handle that well.
Fruit of Her Loins
Dear ACTUAL Fruit of Her Loins,
Awww you're so adorable. So dear mother's checks out women and looks at the devil's dumblings, bazoombas, the milkshakes--you get my point. And you’re a little disheartened by that. So what? Gay Henchman and I check out women a lot. He not only perpetuates the gay stereotype by not only naming each brand but also each shade of color, but he also makes a quick assessment on her tit, ass, and legs. He reviews it like every other man planning to mate. And like every other man out there, her appearance is all he keeps on checking out. But is that enough to make denounce his love for men? No of course not.
So what if mommy is a lesbian? She can be used as evidence that gay is genetic. How is she any different from being a person? Did she give you trouble when you came out to her? If anything like you said the bonds between you two got stronger. You're not only slightly being hypocritical, but you're kinda setting the gay rights movement back a few decades by not acknowledging your mom's lesbian curiosities. She probably didn't have the luxury that you did to open up to her true feelings at a younger age. I mean being a lesbian can't be (and it isn't) wrong. After all you are gay so the moral issues isn't the case. Do you think that she might be stealing your spotlight, you diva?
If that is of course she is a budding lesbian.
Okay to explore the other side of the gamut, what if it was just an expression of accepting you? Although personally I doubt that, you do have the power to vocalize that. But don't go hurting your mother's feelings by saying "ew stop checking out girls, it's disgusting". She's human too. Put her in your position: how would you feel if someone was uncomfortable by the way you act? Not very good about yourself, huh? It seems though that you're not even sure what she's doing. Start with that. Be sneaky. Ask if momma likes what she sees. If she likes a lady's shoes or the brand of stockings, fabulous! If she likes to see those legs wrapped around her, fabulous! (Although I probably don't think you'd want a mental picture of that seeing that she's your mother). When (or if she ever, but I also doubt that) describes her affections for a woman, then be subtle: change the subject. She's a living breathing, human being capable of mating (just like you). It's not like she entangles you in the imagery of her actions.
You know you can't change these things. You'll still love your mother whatever she is.
Sincerely,
Poppy CU Montage
GIVE ME MORE WORK PLEASE!
(by responding or commenting):
Poppy_Montage@yahoo.com
My relationship between my mom and I have gotten better since I came out. Right now I even think of myself as the "the favorite son". But ever since then I'm beginning to feel awkward about her interest in women. She says things like "she's so cute" or I even catch her looking at women's tits. Is my mom a lesbian or does she think that since I'm gay that it's okay for her to be gay too? I don't know if I'd be able to handle that well.
Fruit of Her Loins
Dear ACTUAL Fruit of Her Loins,
Awww you're so adorable. So dear mother's checks out women and looks at the devil's dumblings, bazoombas, the milkshakes--you get my point. And you’re a little disheartened by that. So what? Gay Henchman and I check out women a lot. He not only perpetuates the gay stereotype by not only naming each brand but also each shade of color, but he also makes a quick assessment on her tit, ass, and legs. He reviews it like every other man planning to mate. And like every other man out there, her appearance is all he keeps on checking out. But is that enough to make denounce his love for men? No of course not.
So what if mommy is a lesbian? She can be used as evidence that gay is genetic. How is she any different from being a person? Did she give you trouble when you came out to her? If anything like you said the bonds between you two got stronger. You're not only slightly being hypocritical, but you're kinda setting the gay rights movement back a few decades by not acknowledging your mom's lesbian curiosities. She probably didn't have the luxury that you did to open up to her true feelings at a younger age. I mean being a lesbian can't be (and it isn't) wrong. After all you are gay so the moral issues isn't the case. Do you think that she might be stealing your spotlight, you diva?
If that is of course she is a budding lesbian.
Okay to explore the other side of the gamut, what if it was just an expression of accepting you? Although personally I doubt that, you do have the power to vocalize that. But don't go hurting your mother's feelings by saying "ew stop checking out girls, it's disgusting". She's human too. Put her in your position: how would you feel if someone was uncomfortable by the way you act? Not very good about yourself, huh? It seems though that you're not even sure what she's doing. Start with that. Be sneaky. Ask if momma likes what she sees. If she likes a lady's shoes or the brand of stockings, fabulous! If she likes to see those legs wrapped around her, fabulous! (Although I probably don't think you'd want a mental picture of that seeing that she's your mother). When (or if she ever, but I also doubt that) describes her affections for a woman, then be subtle: change the subject. She's a living breathing, human being capable of mating (just like you). It's not like she entangles you in the imagery of her actions.
You know you can't change these things. You'll still love your mother whatever she is.
Sincerely,
Poppy CU Montage
GIVE ME MORE WORK PLEASE!
(by responding or commenting):
Poppy_Montage@yahoo.com
Friday, March 14, 2008
Artist Pick of the Month: Chris Garneau
Gay Henchman came up to me sometime in late January and suggested that if I ever ran out of things to write, I could write about the music that I was into. He had noticed that I have a tendency to momentarily gravitate toward an artist and listen to them abusively until I grow tired and move onto different musical prospects. It was a great idea to write about my favorite artists of the month, however I don’t think my choices would count. You see, my babies, the singers that I tend to gravitate toward have one thing in common: they tend to die young. Just kidding—god I hope I just didn’t curse myself to become the killer of all young and budding artists with potential.
But here I am, without a thing to write about—actually I do, but I really think GH’s idea was really great.
So instead of me picking out the artist of this month, I figure that I have GH do the honors and find one for me. Apparently he began to anticipate that I was going to ask for assistance because the moment I came up to him, he had told me that he had “borrowed” my iPod and went ahead and uploaded this particular artist’s songs (more rather stole my purse for a couple of hours without my notice).
“He’s gorgeous!” exclaimed GH in a schoolgirl-like manner as he returned my purse. Granted that I do like to look at handsome men, I would be slightly reluctant to listen to someone’s recommendations for a musical artist simply because of a nice ass. That’s like saying that we should watch more of a porn star not of his ability to please, but for his PhD in Physics.
And so the artist excavation began. A Boston native, Chris Garneau moved to Brooklyn to play live music. His venues are small but often packed as one reviewer who went to go see a performance had said to me. The setting is very simple: a piano with a lampshade and a cellist who accompanies him a piano. Together they play a few songs in the dimly lit room, something that supports and amplifies the mood of his music.
His music is not for the perky and the sunshine-lollipops. The key theme of Garneau’s music is pessimistic and tragic—this comment is a complement. In slow tempo, most songs are in minor keys, giving it a more melancholy feel. Much of will directly remind me of Regina Spektor (her style of music, not her lyrical), Jeff Buckley, and Elliot Smith, who by the way he does an excellent cover of “Between the Bars”.
He succeeds in conjuring memories in ones head but in darker shades. His song “Relief” is an example. Although in an interview Garneau professes that the song gives a more positive attitude about coming across a former lover and no longer feeling jealous. Personally when looking at the lyrics and listening to the song one more time, I could not find the “no longer feeling jealous part”; in fact in my interpretation of the song is otherwise: jealousy still remains. GH’s interpretation of the song, much like many illiterate testosterone-induced men, is about a prostitute. I don’t know where he got that idea.
My favorite song of his is “Baby’s Romance”, perhaps the darkest of all his songs. Inspired by his own accounts, the song opens up as the baby being stolen away. Continually, you get the impression that for sometime now the baby is being manipulated or subjected to something he doesn’t want. This action is done clandestinely, away from the eyes of baby’s authority, leading me to believe that this form abuse was probably sexual. After sending GH to do further research on this song, he returned with only good tidings: I was right. But the song is not so abysmal. In fact the lyrics become more empowering for the baby as the song progresses. In there, he begins to show that the baby is capable of independent thoughts; the baby would rather sleep in a dilapidated cot than to sleep with his captor. Here, the baby’s mature and slightly resentful of his captor. This is ultimately resolving this manner by having to turn his captor in because, poignantly, “now fighting’s a part of baby’s romance”.
At least that’s my interpretation of it.
To conclude this short, but time-elongated article, Chris Garneau’s songs are intended to bring forth nostalgia, however in that he also manages to casts shadows of realism. But I think GH said it best when it came to this guy: “don’t ever listen to him while under the influence of anything; they’re potent enough to make you depressed if you misinterpret.”
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Thoughts For Food! (coffee edition)
Coffee: The Other Morning Beer
Today my darlings, we travel far and wide to introduce to you this new segment I shall call “Thought for Food.” (at least for the meantime because even Momma Montage is not satisfied with the title—and Gay Henchman agrees; it’s clearly spawned from perfunctory creative juices….) This segment involves pretty much what the title means despite its lack of grammatical correctness: a very petite article on food. And for those of you who personally know Poppy, you all well know that Momma Montage LOVES to eat. That is why dear ol’ Papi Poppy can be found at your local gym suffering hours on end to shed off the undesired effects of happy and satiated taste buds. And to kill two birds with one stone, I hope that it answers your questions, Gay Henchman: so that my affinity for food doesn’t show… remind you of anyone?
So to kick of our segment, I would like to start with one of earth’s favorite beverages, the cup of joe, the other beer of the morning: coffee! Coffee is drank not just during the morning anymore, my sweetnesses. About 85% of this nation gets up in the morning to brew coffee before doing anything else—including emptying the bladder. This ink-coloured beverage is now drank after mealtimes, over both good and bad dates, hot or cold, with various syrups, and of course by every sleep-deprived college student trying to survive exam weeks. It is such a milestone in humanity that it has integrated itself with business. People drink coffee for breakfast. They are also expected to drink coffee during work. Coffee even has its own designated break for the working class—although in my opinion no one really gets coffee on their coffee break; usually they engage in gossip, or smoke, or drink the flask hidden in their file cabinets, or sexually harass their employees (remind you of anyone, GH?). In fact, the coffee business itself rakes in more than $22 billion annually in just coffee sales and not including sales of instant coffee, beans, and coffee makers!
And just like any beverage that is filled with diversity, coffee is a gastronomical art. Although there are about ten species of coffee plants worldwide used to make the beverage, it is also the process the beans undergo that expands its horizons to thousands of types and blends. One such particular coffee is valued over hundreds of dollars, only to find out that the bean must pass through the digestive lumen of a civet. So technically it would be actually a compliment if you say that it was “shitty coffee.”
But contrary to popular belief, coffee does not originate from Columbia. No, a coffee's ancestor doesn’t even come from a black panther or a rural traveler with a donkey caravan. In fact coffee comes from the Africa, particularly a small region bordering Ethiopia and Sudan. And to now put that long introduction on coffee to a close, I traveled far and wide (as said, but not really just to a Starbucks in Rowland Heights) to attend a coffee seminar on African coffee.
Hosting that seminar was one of Starbucks’ finest baristas and coffee connoisseurs, Monsieur Aaron Halopoff. He gave a brief lecture on the history of coffee and its processes and then presented three forms of different coffee from Africa: Kenya, Ethiopia Sidamo, and Arabian Mocha Sinani. They were paired off respectively with small complementary solid foods: orange raisin currant scone, lemon biscotti/ herbal lemon biscuit, and a dark chocolate.
We were given the Kenya blend first. Comparative to wine, coffee tasting involves the smell, taste, and texture but only to a different degree. For example the Kenya blend possesses an earthy and volcanic smell. It is still coffee mind you, but within that aroma sprouts a rather peculiar hint of fragrances: like dried orange peel or jasmine leaves (think the smell of tea leaves if you don’t know what I’m talking about). You swirl, then take it to your mouth and slurp (so that you don’t singe your whole mouth) and allow the flavors to sprits your taste buds lightly. Particularly the Kenya blend is rather soothing in my opinion. With its gentle yet acidic taste, this particular coffee is my preference and meant as a beverage of relaxation and escape (kinda like alcohol, only you won’t get arrested or you actually remember what you did after consuming copious amounts of it). It can be enjoyed after during streams of irrelevant conversations or after dinner when you want to reflect on the events of the day. Partnered with an orange raisin currant biscuit the taste evolves. In fact many emotions spring forth from the taste buds: joyful, serene, soothing. It’s a smooth aftertaste that softly radiates throughout your mouth.
Next is my personal least favorite blend, Ethiopia Sidamo. Although after discussing this with a coffee addict, this blend offers a rather bold and natural/floral flavor. The texture was smooth and sharp; unlike the other two coffee blends, this taste generated from the back of the mouth to the front. Yes it is bitter, but bitter is adored by others, just not by myself. In Poppy’s opinion this tasted like coffee stirred with twigs and pinecones.
But fret not, that eco-cacophony was not meant to insult this drink. This drink is something meant for a spontaneous change of the palate as this taste has an invading personality. When paired with the scone or biscotti, it personally regulated the intense lemony and herbal flavors. This beverage might actually go well after consuming bolder flavors such as peppery or acidic foods. Also this kind of flavor may be very well enjoyed with soft cheeses that have subtler flavors such as brie, formaggio, or Philadelphia cream.
The last coffee presented had the cleanest finish of the three. Granted, I also took delight in its electric flavor. This was not at all abrupt as the Ethiopia Sudamo blend nor was this blend as subtle and radiating as the first. This was the ambiguous coffee. This was the coffee with flavors that evoked mischief and childlike vivacity suggesting intention for motivation and deliberation. It’s the kind of blend one should suggest to drink on an actual coffee break, or to have on their side while reading a textbook or doing their taxes (although when your doing your taxes gin wouldn’t be a bad idea).
When paired with dark chocolate the two tastes become a rather animated affair. Initially coy and subtle in your mouth when the two enter your mouth, but when the dark chocolate melts from the heat of the coffee and amalgamates, it becomes a steamy dance full of guilt but leaving you yearning for more. It’s small surges of flavor erupting sporadically in your mouth. It was the best coupling and I cannot suggest a better complementary solid food.
I do hope that there are future coffee seminars such as this, perhaps exploring other blends from other parts of the world like Indonesia or Latin America. Perhaps to further bring forth the full potential flavors of the coffee, palate cleansers should be offered in between each taste (such as water or a piece of tangy fruit) so that the flavors of one coffee doesn’t overpower the other. At any case it’s quite a pleasant and enlightening experience.
Until next time,
Poppy CU Montage
So to kick of our segment, I would like to start with one of earth’s favorite beverages, the cup of joe, the other beer of the morning: coffee! Coffee is drank not just during the morning anymore, my sweetnesses. About 85% of this nation gets up in the morning to brew coffee before doing anything else—including emptying the bladder. This ink-coloured beverage is now drank after mealtimes, over both good and bad dates, hot or cold, with various syrups, and of course by every sleep-deprived college student trying to survive exam weeks. It is such a milestone in humanity that it has integrated itself with business. People drink coffee for breakfast. They are also expected to drink coffee during work. Coffee even has its own designated break for the working class—although in my opinion no one really gets coffee on their coffee break; usually they engage in gossip, or smoke, or drink the flask hidden in their file cabinets, or sexually harass their employees (remind you of anyone, GH?). In fact, the coffee business itself rakes in more than $22 billion annually in just coffee sales and not including sales of instant coffee, beans, and coffee makers!
And just like any beverage that is filled with diversity, coffee is a gastronomical art. Although there are about ten species of coffee plants worldwide used to make the beverage, it is also the process the beans undergo that expands its horizons to thousands of types and blends. One such particular coffee is valued over hundreds of dollars, only to find out that the bean must pass through the digestive lumen of a civet. So technically it would be actually a compliment if you say that it was “shitty coffee.”
But contrary to popular belief, coffee does not originate from Columbia. No, a coffee's ancestor doesn’t even come from a black panther or a rural traveler with a donkey caravan. In fact coffee comes from the Africa, particularly a small region bordering Ethiopia and Sudan. And to now put that long introduction on coffee to a close, I traveled far and wide (as said, but not really just to a Starbucks in Rowland Heights) to attend a coffee seminar on African coffee.
Hosting that seminar was one of Starbucks’ finest baristas and coffee connoisseurs, Monsieur Aaron Halopoff. He gave a brief lecture on the history of coffee and its processes and then presented three forms of different coffee from Africa: Kenya, Ethiopia Sidamo, and Arabian Mocha Sinani. They were paired off respectively with small complementary solid foods: orange raisin currant scone, lemon biscotti/ herbal lemon biscuit, and a dark chocolate.
We were given the Kenya blend first. Comparative to wine, coffee tasting involves the smell, taste, and texture but only to a different degree. For example the Kenya blend possesses an earthy and volcanic smell. It is still coffee mind you, but within that aroma sprouts a rather peculiar hint of fragrances: like dried orange peel or jasmine leaves (think the smell of tea leaves if you don’t know what I’m talking about). You swirl, then take it to your mouth and slurp (so that you don’t singe your whole mouth) and allow the flavors to sprits your taste buds lightly. Particularly the Kenya blend is rather soothing in my opinion. With its gentle yet acidic taste, this particular coffee is my preference and meant as a beverage of relaxation and escape (kinda like alcohol, only you won’t get arrested or you actually remember what you did after consuming copious amounts of it). It can be enjoyed after during streams of irrelevant conversations or after dinner when you want to reflect on the events of the day. Partnered with an orange raisin currant biscuit the taste evolves. In fact many emotions spring forth from the taste buds: joyful, serene, soothing. It’s a smooth aftertaste that softly radiates throughout your mouth.
Next is my personal least favorite blend, Ethiopia Sidamo. Although after discussing this with a coffee addict, this blend offers a rather bold and natural/floral flavor. The texture was smooth and sharp; unlike the other two coffee blends, this taste generated from the back of the mouth to the front. Yes it is bitter, but bitter is adored by others, just not by myself. In Poppy’s opinion this tasted like coffee stirred with twigs and pinecones.
But fret not, that eco-cacophony was not meant to insult this drink. This drink is something meant for a spontaneous change of the palate as this taste has an invading personality. When paired with the scone or biscotti, it personally regulated the intense lemony and herbal flavors. This beverage might actually go well after consuming bolder flavors such as peppery or acidic foods. Also this kind of flavor may be very well enjoyed with soft cheeses that have subtler flavors such as brie, formaggio, or Philadelphia cream.
The last coffee presented had the cleanest finish of the three. Granted, I also took delight in its electric flavor. This was not at all abrupt as the Ethiopia Sudamo blend nor was this blend as subtle and radiating as the first. This was the ambiguous coffee. This was the coffee with flavors that evoked mischief and childlike vivacity suggesting intention for motivation and deliberation. It’s the kind of blend one should suggest to drink on an actual coffee break, or to have on their side while reading a textbook or doing their taxes (although when your doing your taxes gin wouldn’t be a bad idea).
When paired with dark chocolate the two tastes become a rather animated affair. Initially coy and subtle in your mouth when the two enter your mouth, but when the dark chocolate melts from the heat of the coffee and amalgamates, it becomes a steamy dance full of guilt but leaving you yearning for more. It’s small surges of flavor erupting sporadically in your mouth. It was the best coupling and I cannot suggest a better complementary solid food.
I do hope that there are future coffee seminars such as this, perhaps exploring other blends from other parts of the world like Indonesia or Latin America. Perhaps to further bring forth the full potential flavors of the coffee, palate cleansers should be offered in between each taste (such as water or a piece of tangy fruit) so that the flavors of one coffee doesn’t overpower the other. At any case it’s quite a pleasant and enlightening experience.
Until next time,
Poppy CU Montage
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Gay Henchman's response
Hahaha, Gay Henchman is disgusted by the last letter. I would have fired him for the intolreance, but he needs the job. Besides... it's hard breaking in another go-for guy. And I absolutely don't have the time to blackmail another into submission!
GH: Out of all the letters you recieved you got this?!
(he had a disgusted look on his face)
GH: Out of all the letters you recieved you got this?!
(he had a disgusted look on his face)
How to invade the gene pool
Dear Poppy
Just a few weeks ago my gay cousin that I had not seen in over 5 years moved back here from college from the east coast. And I feel guilty that I catch myself checking him out. To make matters worse I took him to the local gay hangouts to help him get socially situated but became jealous when he made a bunch of friends, especially a possible boyfriend. Poppy, is it wrong to feel this way for him?
Sincerely,
Gene Pool Invader
Dear Gene Pool Invader
Before our readers judge you and point fingers at you while simultaneously make fun of the square states, let’s clarify one thing: we all have that relative that makes us think twice about our cultural taboos. Sometimes we find it kinky, sometimes we find it funny (like that Friends episode where David Schwimmer’s character Ross hits on his cousin who was played by the hormone-inducing-actress Denise Richards) while other times we admonish ourselves in the fantasies. And sometimes you just hate them because they’re twice as good looking at you. I was just consoling my Gay Henchman for this the other day. I have seen GH’s family tree and let me tell you: the gene pool was a little contaminated when he was fished from it. But GH’s issues with looks is a different story, let’s say we move onto yours?
No I don’t think you should feel bad about liking your cousin. I think it’s admirable that you cross the taboo to even talk about it and give me permission to post it. Poppy Montage doesn’t like to judge and so I’d like to say once again that I don’t think you should feel bad about your attractions. Now that doesn’t mean that Poppy approves of incest—so don’t go calling the More (pronounced “moh-ray”) Police on me just yet.
Now to answer that part of the question: the jealous part is natural yes, but do keep in mind that you did that on your own. You shouldn’t keep him to yourself. He’s a grown man and needs social interaction just like any other diva. Would you like to play the part of the gay ogre? Besides you’ve got your own life to look forward to… unless of course you think you’re useless in this society, but that’s another letter you need to write to me. But be happy for him and for yourself.
And don’t be silly hun, what were you thinking? Those silly homos are naturally drawn to a social life just as they are drawn to a penis… let alone a gay bar! He’s a big boy. As much as he is probably thankful, he probably didn’t need your help. But good for you with helping your (to what I’m sure) your sexy cousin! Most of the jealous relatives usually get angry or thwart them. I recently came across a friend of mine who actually admitted to sabotaging her cousin’s moisturizer with feminine wash.
Just a few weeks ago my gay cousin that I had not seen in over 5 years moved back here from college from the east coast. And I feel guilty that I catch myself checking him out. To make matters worse I took him to the local gay hangouts to help him get socially situated but became jealous when he made a bunch of friends, especially a possible boyfriend. Poppy, is it wrong to feel this way for him?
Sincerely,
Gene Pool Invader
Dear Gene Pool Invader
Before our readers judge you and point fingers at you while simultaneously make fun of the square states, let’s clarify one thing: we all have that relative that makes us think twice about our cultural taboos. Sometimes we find it kinky, sometimes we find it funny (like that Friends episode where David Schwimmer’s character Ross hits on his cousin who was played by the hormone-inducing-actress Denise Richards) while other times we admonish ourselves in the fantasies. And sometimes you just hate them because they’re twice as good looking at you. I was just consoling my Gay Henchman for this the other day. I have seen GH’s family tree and let me tell you: the gene pool was a little contaminated when he was fished from it. But GH’s issues with looks is a different story, let’s say we move onto yours?
No I don’t think you should feel bad about liking your cousin. I think it’s admirable that you cross the taboo to even talk about it and give me permission to post it. Poppy Montage doesn’t like to judge and so I’d like to say once again that I don’t think you should feel bad about your attractions. Now that doesn’t mean that Poppy approves of incest—so don’t go calling the More (pronounced “moh-ray”) Police on me just yet.
Now to answer that part of the question: the jealous part is natural yes, but do keep in mind that you did that on your own. You shouldn’t keep him to yourself. He’s a grown man and needs social interaction just like any other diva. Would you like to play the part of the gay ogre? Besides you’ve got your own life to look forward to… unless of course you think you’re useless in this society, but that’s another letter you need to write to me. But be happy for him and for yourself.
And don’t be silly hun, what were you thinking? Those silly homos are naturally drawn to a social life just as they are drawn to a penis… let alone a gay bar! He’s a big boy. As much as he is probably thankful, he probably didn’t need your help. But good for you with helping your (to what I’m sure) your sexy cousin! Most of the jealous relatives usually get angry or thwart them. I recently came across a friend of mine who actually admitted to sabotaging her cousin’s moisturizer with feminine wash.
Ew.
Until then,
Poppy C.U. Montage
Until then,
Poppy C.U. Montage
Sunday, March 2, 2008
So You Want To Write To Poppy Eh?
So you want to put me to work, eh? It’s fine because quite frankly I really don’t have anything else better to do. You’re more than welcome! But I do have to let you know of a few ground rules before you write to me.
1) Privacy is respected whether you like it or not. I am so protective of your privacy that I won’t even open your emails around people. I try to value confidentiality issues of my readers/writers. Even when I go seek advice from others your identity shall be priority. So yes I will talk about your problems, but they will never know who it’s from.
2) You must have a sense of humor. Although my advice tends to be lengthy and chock full of information, I do not want to put you to sleep. So please don’t take my sarcasm/ passive aggression personal.
3) Not everyone’s questions will get posted. I’m only one person and there are A LOT of you. Poppy Montage also has a day job as well. However have no fear, I still will try to answer your letters.
4) If your post does get posted, you will be given a codename. This is decided by me of course… unless you choose one for yourself. But just to let you know, “BigcockXX” or “TittyJock” or any names within those lines are already taken… by me.
5) It’s a great idea to tell me a little about you. Your description may also give me information on how to come up with a solution to your problem. Ditto for when you give me a detailed explanation of your inquiry. But expect me to reply with more questions. I’m nosy that way.
6) Your inquiry will be edited. Yeah I know what you’re thinking “why give you so much information when it will be edited anyway?” Really, it’s just for space purposes….
7) Be patient. Poppy Montage has a day job (several in fact) and I will try to respond to your emails as soon as I can.
If you’re emailing me about sharing some tips and tricks on daily life, or places to go to in Los Angeles, the rules are a little different.
1) You will be credited for them. In other words, privacy doesn’t apply (unless you say so) because I think if you give me a good idea/place to eat I think you should receive credit for them. Unless of course I had a bad experience with the establishment, then we’ll talk more on this.
2) I will visit the establishment of interest as soon as I lose the pounds I have gained from the last recommended place or have acquired enough income to eat out. Don’t get offended when there is a different recommended place. That just means that it’s usually a place that was recommended to be by someone else once upon a time.
3) Tell me about you and the establishment. This will not get posted, but I would at least like to know how you found this place, what you usually do there, an estimated range of expense (Momma Montage doesn’t want to be doing the dishes… again!)
Oh and so write to me:
Poppy_Montage@yahoo.com
1) Privacy is respected whether you like it or not. I am so protective of your privacy that I won’t even open your emails around people. I try to value confidentiality issues of my readers/writers. Even when I go seek advice from others your identity shall be priority. So yes I will talk about your problems, but they will never know who it’s from.
2) You must have a sense of humor. Although my advice tends to be lengthy and chock full of information, I do not want to put you to sleep. So please don’t take my sarcasm/ passive aggression personal.
3) Not everyone’s questions will get posted. I’m only one person and there are A LOT of you. Poppy Montage also has a day job as well. However have no fear, I still will try to answer your letters.
4) If your post does get posted, you will be given a codename. This is decided by me of course… unless you choose one for yourself. But just to let you know, “BigcockXX” or “TittyJock” or any names within those lines are already taken… by me.
5) It’s a great idea to tell me a little about you. Your description may also give me information on how to come up with a solution to your problem. Ditto for when you give me a detailed explanation of your inquiry. But expect me to reply with more questions. I’m nosy that way.
6) Your inquiry will be edited. Yeah I know what you’re thinking “why give you so much information when it will be edited anyway?” Really, it’s just for space purposes….
7) Be patient. Poppy Montage has a day job (several in fact) and I will try to respond to your emails as soon as I can.
If you’re emailing me about sharing some tips and tricks on daily life, or places to go to in Los Angeles, the rules are a little different.
1) You will be credited for them. In other words, privacy doesn’t apply (unless you say so) because I think if you give me a good idea/place to eat I think you should receive credit for them. Unless of course I had a bad experience with the establishment, then we’ll talk more on this.
2) I will visit the establishment of interest as soon as I lose the pounds I have gained from the last recommended place or have acquired enough income to eat out. Don’t get offended when there is a different recommended place. That just means that it’s usually a place that was recommended to be by someone else once upon a time.
3) Tell me about you and the establishment. This will not get posted, but I would at least like to know how you found this place, what you usually do there, an estimated range of expense (Momma Montage doesn’t want to be doing the dishes… again!)
Oh and so write to me:
Poppy_Montage@yahoo.com
Saturday, March 1, 2008
A Question on Straight Men
Lesbian Friend: Let me ask you something.
Gay Henchman: Go for it.
Lesbian Friend: Do straight guys ever grab each other there?
Gay Henchman: Yeah, all the time. Don't you remember {he mentioned many straight friends who were notorious for playing the penis game]
Lesbian Friend: But is it normal when one of them comes up to them, carresses it, and goes "haha made you hard!"
Gay Henchman: (laughs, when he told me about this, in the same manner that his lesbian friend did, I too responded with a hearty laugh) Um. No.
After sending my Gay Henchman to hunt his Lesbian Friend down to get permission to publish this I finally typed up a quick response.
Yes, heterosexual males do engage in homoerotic behavior--especially this anatomical rendition of "capture the flag". In fact it's something between a cross of showing affection that's masked with masculinity. Dogs do it when they're sniffing each other's buts. Atheletes do it when they're slapping each other's firm asses. Guys in the shower in the gym do it by congratulating each other's physique--oh no wait that's not one. But making a comment pertaining to an erection OR any sensual act that involving "stroking", "petting", or "carressing" is no longer homoerotic behavior. In fact it's entering softcore gay porn. It's also an automatic conviction to being a bicurious resident of homo-ville. So welcome, future flaming citizen!
Gay Henchman: Go for it.
Lesbian Friend: Do straight guys ever grab each other there?
Gay Henchman: Yeah, all the time. Don't you remember {he mentioned many straight friends who were notorious for playing the penis game]
Lesbian Friend: But is it normal when one of them comes up to them, carresses it, and goes "haha made you hard!"
Gay Henchman: (laughs, when he told me about this, in the same manner that his lesbian friend did, I too responded with a hearty laugh) Um. No.
After sending my Gay Henchman to hunt his Lesbian Friend down to get permission to publish this I finally typed up a quick response.
Yes, heterosexual males do engage in homoerotic behavior--especially this anatomical rendition of "capture the flag". In fact it's something between a cross of showing affection that's masked with masculinity. Dogs do it when they're sniffing each other's buts. Atheletes do it when they're slapping each other's firm asses. Guys in the shower in the gym do it by congratulating each other's physique--oh no wait that's not one. But making a comment pertaining to an erection OR any sensual act that involving "stroking", "petting", or "carressing" is no longer homoerotic behavior. In fact it's entering softcore gay porn. It's also an automatic conviction to being a bicurious resident of homo-ville. So welcome, future flaming citizen!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
A "New" Segment I like to call...
What You Should Do Today (or apply at least):
It’s a new segment. Well actually it’s not so much new considering I’ve been doing a similar thing to people for as long as I can remember. The only reason why it’s considered a “new segment” is because a formal name has been given to it. That and I am bossy by nature anyway. Go figure.
Anyway too often do I find people saying things that they don’t mean. Yours truly is guilty of this sin, having to say many things only to find at the end of the day I didn’t really mean it. Such frivolous things like “are you okay?” or “I love you”….
Is it because we’re too involved in our own lives that we evolved to no longer care for others around us (may they be significant or not)? Or is it that we do not have not enough time in our daily lives.
I try to care when people try to answer my question, “how are you”/”how was your day”. You can actually see it in people’s eyes when they hear those words. A slight cringe in the subtle regions of their face, the feel of dread gurgling inside of them, or perhaps a internal bound for joy and enlightenment—but all must be caged and restrained. Is it the fear of public chastisement that keeps them grounded? Not exactly, it’s because it’s embedded in their heads that the other party doesn’t want to hear about it anyway.
So instead of a novel of an answer, they briefly spit out a one worded response. “Good” or “okay” and then return the question as a sign of courtesy (some people don’t even have this gift, those bastards).
And I hate that.
Poppy Montage is SO INVOLVED with the people around him… that it’s bordering burglary. Give me substance. Let me wallow in your vanity too! Believe me, I have ALL the time in the world.
So for this “new” segment, I suggest that my lovelies should try something quite interesting: actually request more information after asking “how are you.” Go ahead: reject one word answers and snoop. Yes some people might find that alienating, but don’t be discouraged. Ask why someone is feeling “just” okay. You may not be able to do something about it, but in actuality you did: you went the extra mile to try to be more involved in their lives. (And EVERYONE likes their horn to be tooted, even if it’s in mezzo-piano).
Heck, even if they’re having a good day you should even ask. That way you could share that happy feeling… or be jealous of it. But Momma Montage doesn’t really encourage that. But you’d be surprise with what you’ll get from just listening from others. The first time I did that I learned how to get a discount on electronics AND a free meal from one of the most distinguished restaurants in Los Angeles (it just so happens that this reluctant stranger was the owner).
But don’t expect free stuff all the time, darlings. It’s about giving, not getting! Besides, there’s a consolation prize: that small feeling that you’ve made an insignificant impact in someone’s life… the keyword being impact.
;-)
Until next time,
Poppy C.U. Montage.
It’s a new segment. Well actually it’s not so much new considering I’ve been doing a similar thing to people for as long as I can remember. The only reason why it’s considered a “new segment” is because a formal name has been given to it. That and I am bossy by nature anyway. Go figure.
Anyway too often do I find people saying things that they don’t mean. Yours truly is guilty of this sin, having to say many things only to find at the end of the day I didn’t really mean it. Such frivolous things like “are you okay?” or “I love you”….
Is it because we’re too involved in our own lives that we evolved to no longer care for others around us (may they be significant or not)? Or is it that we do not have not enough time in our daily lives.
I try to care when people try to answer my question, “how are you”/”how was your day”. You can actually see it in people’s eyes when they hear those words. A slight cringe in the subtle regions of their face, the feel of dread gurgling inside of them, or perhaps a internal bound for joy and enlightenment—but all must be caged and restrained. Is it the fear of public chastisement that keeps them grounded? Not exactly, it’s because it’s embedded in their heads that the other party doesn’t want to hear about it anyway.
So instead of a novel of an answer, they briefly spit out a one worded response. “Good” or “okay” and then return the question as a sign of courtesy (some people don’t even have this gift, those bastards).
And I hate that.
Poppy Montage is SO INVOLVED with the people around him… that it’s bordering burglary. Give me substance. Let me wallow in your vanity too! Believe me, I have ALL the time in the world.
So for this “new” segment, I suggest that my lovelies should try something quite interesting: actually request more information after asking “how are you.” Go ahead: reject one word answers and snoop. Yes some people might find that alienating, but don’t be discouraged. Ask why someone is feeling “just” okay. You may not be able to do something about it, but in actuality you did: you went the extra mile to try to be more involved in their lives. (And EVERYONE likes their horn to be tooted, even if it’s in mezzo-piano).
Heck, even if they’re having a good day you should even ask. That way you could share that happy feeling… or be jealous of it. But Momma Montage doesn’t really encourage that. But you’d be surprise with what you’ll get from just listening from others. The first time I did that I learned how to get a discount on electronics AND a free meal from one of the most distinguished restaurants in Los Angeles (it just so happens that this reluctant stranger was the owner).
But don’t expect free stuff all the time, darlings. It’s about giving, not getting! Besides, there’s a consolation prize: that small feeling that you’ve made an insignificant impact in someone’s life… the keyword being impact.
;-)
Until next time,
Poppy C.U. Montage.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Do you like my logo?
I loved it. In fact I was so in love with it that I treated my henchman to a meal. I was so proud of the logo that I almost actually bought him a hooker to end his dry spell.
But he has brought to my attention that there's something wrong with the logo.
Did you find it?
That's right: "extraordinaire" is mispelled.
I was so embarassed that I blindly allowed myself to publish something without overlooking. It goes to show you that even Momma Montage, does indeed make mistakes.
So do you think I should have gone Russel Crowe or Naomi Watts on him? Of course not (like I said, I'll do that in private).
But he has brought to my attention that there's something wrong with the logo.
Did you find it?
That's right: "extraordinaire" is mispelled.
I was so embarassed that I blindly allowed myself to publish something without overlooking. It goes to show you that even Momma Montage, does indeed make mistakes.
So do you think I should have gone Russel Crowe or Naomi Watts on him? Of course not (like I said, I'll do that in private).
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Love in a Time of Hysteria
Dear Poppy,
I'm 44 and I broke it off with my spouse of 12 years. About 2 years have passed since our separation. We are in good terms but I don't want to die alone. Do you think there's hope for me at my age?
Sincerely
Lonesome Dove
Dear Lonesome Dove
I would tell you no, that you'll die old, wrinkly, and alone. But I was just listening to Regina Spektor's "Ode to Divorce" and that slightly brought my mood to an optimistic level. Now would you help a brother out? I'm kidding of course if you didn't pick up on my sarcasm, love. Love at any age is possible. True story: my henchman's grandmother is actually being courted by a man right now; and let me tell you she's responding very well. Although many of us would prefer to be spared from when she shares to us how she dusted off the cobwebs and unleashed her animal naughtiness, we at least know "it" still works. Whatever you think "it" may be, but I was referring to the heart. And of course, we must not neglect nor deny "its" existence. Besides, a lot of old people are cranky and it could be that getting laid may plaster all those resenting years.
No, I am not calling you old, though. What I'm trying to say is that if his dear ol' nana can find someone, then of course you can find it. Be assertive! Go out and meet people. The chances of you finding someone at home and writing questions to an ambiguous blog-queen are ridiculously nonexistent. Yes I would agree you would endure a lot of heartbreaks, but fret not... as much! Yes it hurts to be led on or to find false hopes in someone you thought seemed promising. But it's what life is about, learning something applying what you learn and getting back onto the horse. And let me tell you something, darlin': once you find that special someone it'd be all the worthwhile.
But don't dismiss these three important facts as people so often do when they're looking for love:
1) You are capable of loving
1) You are loved (may it be family, friends, pets, or that stalker--like that bug-eyed guy who seems to always be looking into my window and leaves me chocolates on my doorstep)
1) You are capable of being loved, see the latter.
If not you can always drown others around you in your misery such as your friends, those who work under you (isn't that right, henchman?), or some $250/hour therapist. Or perhaps you can drown yourself in something like a bathtub of gin, a bucket of something fried, or a box of something sweet. Kidding.
Until Next Time,
Poppy C U Montage
I'm 44 and I broke it off with my spouse of 12 years. About 2 years have passed since our separation. We are in good terms but I don't want to die alone. Do you think there's hope for me at my age?
Sincerely
Lonesome Dove
Dear Lonesome Dove
I would tell you no, that you'll die old, wrinkly, and alone. But I was just listening to Regina Spektor's "Ode to Divorce" and that slightly brought my mood to an optimistic level. Now would you help a brother out? I'm kidding of course if you didn't pick up on my sarcasm, love. Love at any age is possible. True story: my henchman's grandmother is actually being courted by a man right now; and let me tell you she's responding very well. Although many of us would prefer to be spared from when she shares to us how she dusted off the cobwebs and unleashed her animal naughtiness, we at least know "it" still works. Whatever you think "it" may be, but I was referring to the heart. And of course, we must not neglect nor deny "its" existence. Besides, a lot of old people are cranky and it could be that getting laid may plaster all those resenting years.
No, I am not calling you old, though. What I'm trying to say is that if his dear ol' nana can find someone, then of course you can find it. Be assertive! Go out and meet people. The chances of you finding someone at home and writing questions to an ambiguous blog-queen are ridiculously nonexistent. Yes I would agree you would endure a lot of heartbreaks, but fret not... as much! Yes it hurts to be led on or to find false hopes in someone you thought seemed promising. But it's what life is about, learning something applying what you learn and getting back onto the horse. And let me tell you something, darlin': once you find that special someone it'd be all the worthwhile.
But don't dismiss these three important facts as people so often do when they're looking for love:
1) You are capable of loving
1) You are loved (may it be family, friends, pets, or that stalker--like that bug-eyed guy who seems to always be looking into my window and leaves me chocolates on my doorstep)
1) You are capable of being loved, see the latter.
If not you can always drown others around you in your misery such as your friends, those who work under you (isn't that right, henchman?), or some $250/hour therapist. Or perhaps you can drown yourself in something like a bathtub of gin, a bucket of something fried, or a box of something sweet. Kidding.
Until Next Time,
Poppy C U Montage
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Just to Clarify
By the way, this IS NOT a blog about poppies.
... and although I am GROSSLY into saying my name this blog is not about me either... well for the most part.
... and although I am GROSSLY into saying my name this blog is not about me either... well for the most part.
Monday, February 18, 2008
A Note From the FAQS below
So yes, the post below is taken from my previous webpage. The questions I got still are the same for the most part; my very own gay henchman suggested that I make some revisions considering it's quite an old post. That and to be considerate of the feelings of certain groups of the public. I didn't change it. In fact I would have fired his sorry ass if I had not grown to love him (and that also he knows more about public relations than I do). I did add some quirky comments from the last website!
The Frequently Asked Questions to Poppy
1) Poppy Montage, what is your purpose?
Honey, sit back and relax, I’m about to tell you a little story. Momma Montage had a purpose in life… and then he stepped into reality and realized her services were not longer needed. But that was nonsense; someone in this world has GOT to have some sort of problem Poppy can help in! So with much exploration and exploitation, Poppy Montage decided to help the serendipitous. Little did Poppy know he was actually good at giving advices (and lengthy ones at that). Also Poppy Montage LOVES to eat. And there’s no better way to sooth the heart than GOOD food. Good, CHEAP food at that. So included with my advice is a few good places to eat! Oh hell, there’s nothing specific is there about what I can really put into an online webpage, is there? Maybe I’ll add other things such as tips and tricks around the house, how to be manipulative, how to lie to a lover (kidding, of course)
2) Can you really solve my problem?
Hell if I can’t solve my own problems, why not solve others’? Problem solving is something I can do, but not always. I can certainly try to help you come up with a solution. And if no solutions can be found (such as a situation that’s too complicated or I’m suffering from a brain-fart) I will definitely work with you to set some goals which is a stepping stone to problem solving. And if that doesn’t always work I can also make references—and believe me, I have a ton of them!
3) Poppy Montage, is that your real name?
That’s my name, Poppy C.U. Montage. (Call me ‘Poopy” and you die). My parents were hippies. Enough said.
4) What does the “C” and the “U” stand for?
My full name is Poppy California Unfedaro Montage. Why is my name like that? See previous question. You could only imagine how much I hated my parents in grade school when I first had to learn how to write out MY FULL NAME.
5) There are a lot of ambiguities with describing yourself. Would you mind telling your readers why you like to be in the anonymity?
My gender for example you would think is female, but the rest of my other name indicates a masculine form, rendering a conclusion of my gender moot. Now even now from time to time I do put in a title which may give a clue. No, I suppose the best hint I could give you is which gender title form I use more (for example, Momma Montage, Daddy Montage, Lady Poppy, Mr. Poppy, etc).
The reason why I refuse to be more specific about myself is because this site is not about me. We can all agree that America is a very categorical place. America likes to put things in closets and shoe boxes and labels. I fear that people would care about who I am and not what I am all about. This website is for the people… and what I think is great in the city of Los Angeles (and perhaps other places). But I think it’s really obvious.
6) Not even your ethnicity?
Momma Montage doesn’t like to make reference to her mother country for a number of reasons. One of the reasons is that I tend to insult all races equally. And giving out my own ethnic background might weigh me down or hinder my comedic purpose when I insult a particular race… ESPECIALLY when I perpetuate an ethnicity’s stereotype or flat out insult it.
…..But just for kicks and giggles I’ll give you a pretty obvious hint: nursing.
7) Are you single?
Why, are you asking? Because I can be if you want. And if you’re ugly (and by ‘ugly’ that also could mean that you’re hot as hell but an asshole) I’m happily taken. Inquisitive applicants can inquire further by emailing me. But I have to warn you: I’m a handful, a bastard, a bitch, and very hard of hearing. And yes a series of tests will be required. If you’re strong enough to handle me, please I encourage you to be stupid and come forth. Oh and a drug test is also required… question 1: do you have any with you, because I could sure use some right about now. (Note: this statement does not indicate that I am a habitual user.)
8) Do you do any drugs, drink alcohol, or have elicit sex?
Let’s just say I’m old enough to know how things work in life… well for the most part at least. I get high on life, drunk on power, and as for the sex… well let’s just say I’m the modern day Virgin Queen. I do make reference to having an affinity for narcotics and alcohol, but the truth is that I DO HUGS, NOT DRUGS. But mind you, although I’m drug free and open minded, EVERYTHING is open for discussion… but for the most part no.
9) Are you racist?
What a thing to even suggest! I am a firm believer in equality. Hence, I equally discriminate and will joke about all races.
10) What is your religion?
Blasphemous. Naturally.
11) What is your sexual orientation?
I like to do it standing up and on my back… sometimes on in a specific order. Oh that’s right, I just claimed myself the Virgin Queen, didn’t I? Well Let’s just say that’s how I would picture myself sexually oriented when I would have sex.
12) What sort of questions do you like to answer?
I tend to answer all questions pertaining to the daily lives. I mean I can try to answer academic questions, but then I would have Google for that. But hey I don’t mind learning something new each day (but learning two things… now THERE’s my challenge!) What I’m here for is try to offer advice to others. Now I know I haven’t been in the same situation with my writers, but I have been known for my sympathetic and empathetic nature. So I challenge you to challenge me, bitches!
13) If someone were to eat you, what would you taste like?
Like human flesh I hope. I mean that would be nice if I taste sweet like cheesecake or sugar—both of which I consume by the tub—but oh baby, I really hope I do taste like human flesh and half as addicting as I look!
14) Do you ever get political?
Darlin, if you could have seen me in the 2004 elections! I would have started hell among voters! In fact I not only participate the election process by following up on all candidates, reading up on the laws, but also volunteer during the election day! But if you darlings want to specifically ask me what my political affiliation is (although I do think it’s somewhat evident by now) I’m gonna have to plead the 5th amendment! Not because I’m secretive (no, I’m actually a chatterbox) but because I believe the only thing you should know is that I’m quite passionate about are four things: the environment, voting, good food, and you, baby!
15) What are your views on the disabled?
I love them. That is unless of course I caused them to be disabled (sorry, Chuck and Mary).
16) Is America ready for a black president? What about a female president?
Oh here’s one of those political questions again! You silly goose.
17) What are your inspirations?
My inspirations comes from many aspects in my life: my family, friends, strangers, lessons from mother nature. Now sweetie, being rich in this resource does not make me excellent in giving advice, it just means that I can make the RIGHT decision for you. I’m kidding. What I meant to say is that it does it doesn’t make me excellent in giving advice, but more rather it allowed me to be exposed to many of life’s problems. This exposure will certainly aid me in helping you find a solution (or at least set a goal) to your problem
18) How do you define happiness?
After a day of many accomplishments I get to slip into a huge bubble bath, eat strawberries, drink a glass of Zinfandel, and watch an independent film. Complete happiness is to know that I have not changed the world, but made a dent.
19) What are you afraid of?
I am afraid of so many things that I think I am the reason why my therapist has a house in Beverly Hills and a condo in Florida. I have faced many of my fears and I have to say that it feels pretty great. However I do have a habit of acquiring another fear once I conquer another one. It’s all part of my addicting history I suppose.
20) Do you have any living heroes?
Teachers, nurses, mothers are my heroes. It’s a very thankless job and I don’t think that we’re not giving them enough credit. (I also think their lack of funding is the reason why many of our institutions are going to hell… oh my, there I go being political again….)
21) What is a characteristic that you hate in others?
Selfishness and the lack of consideration for others is what I abhor the most. And the sad thing is that neither Karma nor any form of intervention can touch them.
22) Is there a characteristic in others that makes you sad?
When people take kindness as a green light for stepping all over them. And people wonder why chivalry is dead or how people become so reluctant into giving and receiving kindness.
23) Is there something about you that you hate?
That I have a tendency to learn the hard way. That and my disgusting habit of overusing commas.
24) What do you hope to get out of your intimate relationships?
I hope to teach my lovers how to live, patience, and how to laugh at the hardships (probably because I’m so difficult that they’ll have to learn patience and go so crazy that they’ll just laugh hysterically).
25) What do you hope to get out of others’ relationships?
I hope a happy ending (which in this day in age only lasts about a few months). I do wish to learn from them so that way I could impart some sort of wisdom (or at least warning) to the next couple who decides to seek my crazy.
26) Do you want to live anywhere outside of Los Angeles?
God no. I used to want to get out of Los Angeles, but I discovered that it has touched a deeper part of my heart.
27) Even when you retire?
Honey, I was just told I was going to die an early death. It’s lovely that I’m even asked about my retirement plans. But I’d like to pass the age of 40 first then we’ll talk.
28) If you believe in reincarnation, what would you to be reincarnated into when you die?
You’re going to think I was going to say a Poppy huh? I think I want to end up as clingy gay man with high metabolism, no eating disorders, and that’s hard working, patient, and articulate. Being handsome is a plus, but then I know by then that my head would just explode.
29) What is your greatest achievement thus far?
Staying alive day to day. It’s not that my expectations of life is low, but with the rather deadly activities I do on a daily basis, living is kind of a priority.
30) Which do you prefer: a life of accomplishment or a life of fun?
Two ways: you can have fun after accomplishing something and you can have fun while attempting to accomplish things. That is how I do things.
31) Have you ever told a lie?
I have; it was also under oath. Am I proud of it? No. I really try not to tell a lie. I just keep my mouth shut. I guess the only time I do lie is when I engage in social warfare… then there aren’t any rules to what I do or say!
32) Do you have a motto/mantra?
A few actually:
“Live as if there is everything to learn about living.” (I can give up if it’s too hard, right?)
“Nothing is ever difficult, only the need for time and tolerance.” (something of which I REALLY should work on)
“Hug someone as if you will see them for the last time.” (despite my fear of cooties)
33) How do you want to die?
In my sleep hopefully. But I’m predicted to die in a horrible tragic death… like having a heart attack while I’m in the toilet or being shot by a firing squad. Now I know no place in this government (except Utah) still uses the firing squad method, but I would still like to maintain caution (like avoid Utah).
34) What is your most treasured possession?
My written journals, vague, but they keep my wounds fresh, my memory well jogged… and in the case of my tragic memories I guess I also like my memories to be traumatized as well. Hahaha.
My red tyrannosaurus rex dinosaur names Rover. He’s always been there for me since the first grade. I don’t care who I’m gonna end up with, but Rover will always be there!
35) Is there anything you want to change about yourself?
It’s the experience that counts. There is nothing in the past that I would or can change, otherwise time would be greatly altered and I wouldn’t be answering these FAQs now would I?
36) How are you right this moment?
I’m fine and alive, thank you very much. How are you?
Friday, February 15, 2008
Unrolling the Welcome mat....
Welcome to Ask Poppy Montage!
So we've moved! So what's the reason why we moved? Expansion, my little darlings! I'd like to think of myself as the actual poppy plant: red, beautiful, intoxicating if harvested correctly, and considered a weed in most gardens! Besides there's not much traffic at Vox. And even though it's such a lovely site (especially with its own delightful Poppy theme!) I think this site's got more traffic. Who knows, maybe when it's time expand I'll move onto bigger oceans. For now, this poppy-colored goldfish likes this fish bowl!
Also I'd like to mention that over my brief hiatus, I managed to snatch myself a henchman! He's a lovely goon, in fact he's my lovely little gay goon. For those readers who think that Poppy Montage is a boss who publicly harasses her employees, think again--I do that in private! It leaves less incriminating psychological marks and it conditions them that I'm the boss! Muahahahaha! But all kidding aside, without him, I would have never been able to think up of new ideas on how this site will take off. Besides, what more can I want? I am after all hoping to attract a gay population... why not have some credibility and acquire actual gay men to help me get down to the nitty gritty? Besides, without my gay henchmen Poppy Montage gets a little lonely--and he better enjoy himself in my company with the salary and perks I give him. Although I do have to stress upon him that he learns to be fiscally responsible with the rough economic times approaching.
And how would you do that? Simple, find someone richer and mooch off of them. Kidding.
Until Next Time!
Poppy Montage!
So we've moved! So what's the reason why we moved? Expansion, my little darlings! I'd like to think of myself as the actual poppy plant: red, beautiful, intoxicating if harvested correctly, and considered a weed in most gardens! Besides there's not much traffic at Vox. And even though it's such a lovely site (especially with its own delightful Poppy theme!) I think this site's got more traffic. Who knows, maybe when it's time expand I'll move onto bigger oceans. For now, this poppy-colored goldfish likes this fish bowl!
Also I'd like to mention that over my brief hiatus, I managed to snatch myself a henchman! He's a lovely goon, in fact he's my lovely little gay goon. For those readers who think that Poppy Montage is a boss who publicly harasses her employees, think again--I do that in private! It leaves less incriminating psychological marks and it conditions them that I'm the boss! Muahahahaha! But all kidding aside, without him, I would have never been able to think up of new ideas on how this site will take off. Besides, what more can I want? I am after all hoping to attract a gay population... why not have some credibility and acquire actual gay men to help me get down to the nitty gritty? Besides, without my gay henchmen Poppy Montage gets a little lonely--and he better enjoy himself in my company with the salary and perks I give him. Although I do have to stress upon him that he learns to be fiscally responsible with the rough economic times approaching.
And how would you do that? Simple, find someone richer and mooch off of them. Kidding.
Until Next Time!
Poppy Montage!
Thursday, February 7, 2008
The Poppy Grows...
So I moved. Why? Well I'm slowly climbing up the blogging world. Oh what a despicable ladder I have to climb.
Email stays the same though, so you can still email me there: Poppy_Montage@yahoo.com with your ideas and questions.
Email stays the same though, so you can still email me there: Poppy_Montage@yahoo.com with your ideas and questions.
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