Mommy Likes Ladies

Dear Poppy,

My relationship between my mom and I have gotten better since I came out. Right now I even think of myself as the "the favorite son". But ever since then I'm beginning to feel awkward about her interest in women. She says things like "she's so cute" or I even catch her looking at women's tits. Is my mom a lesbian or does she think that since I'm gay that it's okay for her to be gay too? I don't know if I'd be able to handle that well.

Fruit of Her Loins


Dear ACTUAL Fruit of Her Loins,

Awww you're so adorable. So dear mother's checks out women and looks at the devil's dumblings, bazoombas, the milkshakes--you get my point. And you’re a little disheartened by that. So what? Gay Henchman and I check out women a lot. He not only perpetuates the gay stereotype by not only naming each brand but also each shade of color, but he also makes a quick assessment on her tit, ass, and legs. He reviews it like every other man planning to mate. And like every other man out there, her appearance is all he keeps on checking out. But is that enough to make denounce his love for men? No of course not.

So what if mommy is a lesbian? She can be used as evidence that gay is genetic. How is she any different from being a person? Did she give you trouble when you came out to her? If anything like you said the bonds between you two got stronger. You're not only slightly being hypocritical, but you're kinda setting the gay rights movement back a few decades by not acknowledging your mom's lesbian curiosities. She probably didn't have the luxury that you did to open up to her true feelings at a younger age. I mean being a lesbian can't be (and it isn't) wrong. After all you are gay so the moral issues isn't the case. Do you think that she might be stealing your spotlight, you diva?

If that is of course she is a budding lesbian.

Okay to explore the other side of the gamut, what if it was just an expression of accepting you? Although personally I doubt that, you do have the power to vocalize that. But don't go hurting your mother's feelings by saying "ew stop checking out girls, it's disgusting". She's human too. Put her in your position: how would you feel if someone was uncomfortable by the way you act? Not very good about yourself, huh? It seems though that you're not even sure what she's doing. Start with that. Be sneaky. Ask if momma likes what she sees. If she likes a lady's shoes or the brand of stockings, fabulous! If she likes to see those legs wrapped around her, fabulous! (Although I probably don't think you'd want a mental picture of that seeing that she's your mother). When (or if she ever, but I also doubt that) describes her affections for a woman, then be subtle: change the subject. She's a living breathing, human being capable of mating (just like you). It's not like she entangles you in the imagery of her actions.

You know you can't change these things. You'll still love your mother whatever she is.

Sincerely,
Poppy CU Montage


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How to invade the gene pool

Dear Poppy

Just a few weeks ago my gay cousin that I had not seen in over 5 years moved back here from college from the east coast. And I feel guilty that I catch myself checking him out. To make matters worse I took him to the local gay hangouts to help him get socially situated but became jealous when he made a bunch of friends, especially a possible boyfriend. Poppy, is it wrong to feel this way for him?

Sincerely,
Gene Pool Invader

Dear Gene Pool Invader

Before our readers judge you and point fingers at you while simultaneously make fun of the square states, let’s clarify one thing: we all have that relative that makes us think twice about our cultural taboos. Sometimes we find it kinky, sometimes we find it funny (like that Friends episode where David Schwimmer’s character Ross hits on his cousin who was played by the hormone-inducing-actress Denise Richards) while other times we admonish ourselves in the fantasies. And sometimes you just hate them because they’re twice as good looking at you. I was just consoling my Gay Henchman for this the other day. I have seen GH’s family tree and let me tell you: the gene pool was a little contaminated when he was fished from it. But GH’s issues with looks is a different story, let’s say we move onto yours?
No I don’t think you should feel bad about liking your cousin. I think it’s admirable that you cross the taboo to even talk about it and give me permission to post it. Poppy Montage doesn’t like to judge and so I’d like to say once again that I don’t think you should feel bad about your attractions. Now that doesn’t mean that Poppy approves of incest—so don’t go calling the More (pronounced “moh-ray”) Police on me just yet.
Now to answer that part of the question: the jealous part is natural yes, but do keep in mind that you did that on your own. You shouldn’t keep him to yourself. He’s a grown man and needs social interaction just like any other diva. Would you like to play the part of the gay ogre? Besides you’ve got your own life to look forward to… unless of course you think you’re useless in this society, but that’s another letter you need to write to me. But be happy for him and for yourself.
And don’t be silly hun, what were you thinking? Those silly homos are naturally drawn to a social life just as they are drawn to a penis… let alone a gay bar! He’s a big boy. As much as he is probably thankful, he probably didn’t need your help. But good for you with helping your (to what I’m sure) your sexy cousin! Most of the jealous relatives usually get angry or thwart them. I recently came across a friend of mine who actually admitted to sabotaging her cousin’s moisturizer with feminine wash.

Ew.

Until then,
Poppy C.U. Montage