What A Way To Go....

You put on a condom and discover that you have a serious allergy to latex.

tsk, tsk.

Right to Protest, anyone?

It's November 09 2008. Just a little under a week ago we finally elected our first black president. This goes to show the sociologist that black man comes before white woman (Sarah Palin or Hilary Clinton). It was a monumental election... one that offered difference and change. But also in the state of California something life altering happened to my gays.
In May 2008 the State Supreme Court ruled that gay domestic partnerships were separate but equal, ruling the ban on gay marriage unconstitutional. Thousands of gay couples go married. No divorces yes (and believe me, I have a lot of lesbian friends), no fiscal impact on the state economy--with the exception of what happened in Sacramento but that's not our issue at hand. No one was taught about gay marriage in the schools. Those little children that knew about gays were hardly effected by it anyway.

But on November 5th the state ruled 52-48 that defines marriage as something between a man and a woman. The supporters of Proposition 8 cheered, claimed that democracy has done something right. Idiots, democracy does something for the majority, not for the right! I don't want anyone telling me what to do for my wedding; why should I have to tell someone what they can and can't do? This is America; where freedom should be upheld, not restricted, and especially in who someone can love.

So let us be American and do the best thing we know how to do: protest!
Join the many people who protest PEACEFULLY in the streets of Los Angeles, San Fransisco, San Diego, and any and every major city. Make our voices heard: we want equal rights.

The link below are upcoming protest events. Bring running shoes though just in case you happen to march... or things get ugly and then you'll have to run from the cops armored with riot gear. Should that happen remember the golden rule: run toward the television cameras so you have evidence to sue.

Until next time,
Poppy C. Montage!

Teenagers (scare the living shit outta me)

My teenage brother is in that phase where he hates everything relevant in the household. I keep explaining it to my parents, whose parental skills were last tested during the Clinton administration, that their parenting is not the complete reason why my brother detests them. They're convince, illogically might I add, that they've been too strict with him and not letting him have more free time.

Personally with someone like my brother I question if he had enough strict time. And although being a proponent of positive reinforcement I feel that there are a few lines that has got to be drawn. At least to my observation that both their parental skills are viable, however when implemented onto the same child becomes incompatable. My mom's rules are strict and border Nazism where as my dads border stoicism.

Anyway, I should just cut to the chase: if you’re a proud gay/straight parent of a teenager, please PLEASE PLEASE don't blame yourself if your teenager kid acts up and/or shuts you out.
It's natural for them to hate you.
Your best bet is to outsmart them and or wait it out until they move away to college.
Oh and during an argument I think you should stop when they've said "whatever." That's usually teenage-lingo for conceding. Let them walk away and lick their wounds. Punish fairly, accordingly, and provide rationales so that way they know why they're being punished. It's also good to have around just in case they try to sue you during their emancipation hearing.

Song pick of the month

"Fog (Again)"
by: Radiohead

This band in my believe is the very root of the genre that became Coldplay, the Fray, etc. Although they're considered to not have as much momentum as their predecessors (although I beg to differ), their lyrics still are very deep. They manage to create metaphors that are completely from the left field. This month's song is by Radiohead, "Fog". When you read the lyrics below you will see why Radiohead is one of my favorite bands.

My interpretation of the song is about someone from the view of the singer, who's watched this person grow from a young excited little boy to someone who's done something unforgivable. It seems that the narrator blames himself/herself for the atrocity caused by the child and questions how could this transition have happened.

I have heard of other interpretations; one interesting on going around the internet is that this song is about war torn children. They begin life without a care and suddenly launched into a grim reality of civilization: the "fog" of war. They are forced to be ferocious, they are trained to kill or be killed, but they will always be considered children to someone who cared for them.


Lyrics: Fog
There's a little child
Running around this house
And he never leaves
He will never leave
And a fog comes up from the sewers
And glows in the dark

Baby alligators in the sewers
Grow up fast
Grow up fast
Anything you want
It can be done

How did you go bad?
Did you go bad?
Did you go bad?
S ome things never wash away
Did you go bad?
Did you go bad?

Gay Aiken: Who Knew? (The Rest of The World, Actually)

Gay Aiken: Who Knew? (The Rest of the World, Actually)

We interrupt this blog for a special breaking “Obvious News”:

Clay Aiken is a homosexual!

Thank you. This has been another edition of “Obvious News”. We now return you to our regularly scheduled programming….

In a “shocking” news report yesterday season 2 American Idol runner up Clay Aiken admitted to the world his sexuality. Aiken who had recently just became a father via surrogate mother (his best friend) had made the decision to tell the world of his sexuality. Prior to become a parent, he was notorious for dodging the three word question that he felt would launch him into a category only few have manage to survive. He often met interviewers with head on aggression, saying that it was none of the world’s business; only his, God’s, and the people he loves.
But in and interview with People Magazine he said that he was compelled to tell the world the truth because he cannot raise a child where he would have to hide or lie about things (which in turn might make the child think that those things are okay. Reaction to this news is barely in its infancy. One fan even commented on his website saying that she was completely shocked to the point where she couldn’t function at work. Very few people have posted their opinions negatively. But this low and slow trend in negativity is good; give us an honest social deviant any day!
And although pretty much anyone with a gaydar knew about your sexuality, Mr. Aiken, I applaud you. You are one of the few who have set foot into the new social frontier of out (and proud) gay parenting. And although you will lose some fans, you will definitely pick up a large following that not only sees you as an artist, but an activist and a role model.

PS, I doubt your career will take a nose dive. Those things only happen to people whose news of their sexuality came out of the left field!

We salute you!

Movie Pick

From the man who has brought us Raspberry Reich and Skin Flick, Bruce LaBruce releases another movie of a different kind. If you thought the other two films mentioned were trippier than a two-cent crack whore with a PhD., (and trust me, those films are if you’ve scene them) then I guarantee Otto; or Up with Dead People will certainly top all! Queer horror is a genre still barely in its infancy and Bruce LaBruce has contributed by giving it some growth hormones! Not only does he manage to alienate the movie goers but perhaps give a new meaning to “freaky gay sex”. Yes it’s a new ground to tread—a dark, comedic, necrophiliac-embracing treading! And if you’re the type that loves the feeling of being squeamish for varying reasons, then this film’s for you!

It’s about Otto (played by newcomer Jey Crisfar), a young zombie who rises from the dead and wanders the streets of Berlin. He is homeless, as I supposed most zombies are, and faces several accounts of anti-zombie attacks from the living. He wanders through the Berlin gay scene and eventually winding up being cast in a zombie film by a hyper necro-obsessed lesbian director that wants to depict the similarities of homosexuality and zombies. (Really?) What stands out about it is that above the film and the gay sex the protagonist constantly battles with his zombie existence; does he really have to eat flesh? What the hell are the flashbacks of the former lover is about? I’ll tell you one thing; it’s got everyone saying not only “what the hell” but “wtf!”

If you’re unfamiliar with LaBruce’s work I highly encourage you to get to know it before seeing this film. I have read several accounts of people who were damn well offended in certain scenes—particularly the “belly fuck” scene where a zombie copulates into(?) the wound of a recent kill. Many people walked out. Many people gave it bad reviews. Particularly my opinion is that this was because of their unfamiliarity of the nature of a LaBruce film. It’s a very satirical film and never meant to be taken seriously. There are a lot of subtleties in that film, for example the fact that the lesbian director did captuer much of LaBruce’s actual loud and socio-political views. Did I mention the gay sex? Most LaBruce films contain gay porn actors who do what they do best: gay sex. And although this film would definitively make a nun toss her cookies, this is a very (ironically) bright and actually a worth-to-see film. But once again let me state: get over the empirically offensive.

I’m sending Gay Henchman on assignment and watch this film. He’s not into zombie films; in fact he’s damn near terrified of them, but I’m sure the gay sex will make up for it!

The bitter gay

Quote of the Day:
"I try not to let my sexuality define my individuality."

Gay Henchman's Response:
Hahaha! You silly, stupid little gay!

Old Earth Day Post

I got my computer fixed!
However that's not an excuse for not posting as much as I should.
I did find an old blog I was supposed to post up around Earth Day!


But I just got home from being licked by hyper hippie powers. Yes, LICKED--and not in a sexy way too. And chanting. Oh my goodness I thought I attended a pagan congregation!
It was the Earth Day celebration in Los Angeles and I need a shower. I had a blast thought.
I was given dirty looks when I asked to eat something that had been maimed.
I also shouldn't have stated that the reason why I eat meat was that I was getting even for the plants.
I guess I should have chosen my words a little more carefuly.


Happy Earth Day!

Did everyone catch it? Was everyone as glued to the Olympics as I was? I was so devoted to its schedule that I actually diverted my whole busy schedule so that I could maximize my Olympic watching time--Gay Henchman says "get a life."
But I watched the Olympics for the sport unlike Gay Henchman who watched the sport for the wrong reason. So this struck an epiphany: who are the 29th Olympiads' hottest? So together with GH we compiled a list of the Olympic's hottest. Oh yes, this isn't in order mind you. This is also subjective, most of these men happened to be attractive on mine and GH's list--it's both a compliment and depressing that I have the same taste as a 24 year old gay man.


Novak Djokovic (Serbia, Tennis):
He ended up losing the doubles team in the first roung but winning the bronze in the singles match. Not great... but considered one of the highest paid tennis players out there. Not baseball player rich but close enough.


Alexandre Despatie (Canada, Diving)
The diving rockstar of Canada, this young man ended up winning silver in the men's 3M springboard.


Mauro Nespoli (Italy Archery)
When they competed against South Korea for the gold, this guy made the blunder. GH didn't care though, he had nice eyes.


Jonathan Horton (US Gymnastics)
An all American gymnist won silver in the high bar. He and his teamates also got the bronze medal for team all around gymnastics.
Picture: okay, he's the shorter one (the one who would be a bottom according to GH). GH found this picture and begged me to post it for comical purposes. If Mr. Horton does read this (and I hope he doesn't)... please don't sue me for slander. I do not know your sexuality nor would I be inclined to make a conviction.


Eamon Sullivan (Austrailia Swimming)
It was interesting to watch this because for the 100 free style long course the French swimmer Alain Bernard had taken his record away during the preliminaries. Two days later he had taken it back.


Aaron Piersol (US Swimming)
"There's something about this guy's face" said GH. I noticed that when GH and I watched this together he was staring at his body more than his face, that pervert.


He Chong (China Diving) (pictured on the left)
One of the 7 Chinese gold medal winners in the diving competition.


Qin Kai (China, diver)
After being a two time world champion, he was favored (of China) to win the gold medal in Beijiing. He managed to get a bronze in the individual final however managed to win gold in the synchronized springboard with team diver Wang Feng.


Matthew Mitchum (Australia, Diver)
Openly gay (but taken). This is the guy who took the great "eight for eight" diving gold rush from China. GH: "The even better thing is that we're watching him wearing nothing but that."

Adele: A Brief Music Pick of The Month

I was surfing through some comments of this singer "Adele" and I came across these two comments (the second one a response to the first). I gotta say it made me laugh outloud:
first comment
"[Adele] is like what would happen if Amy Winehouse, Anita Baker, Chrisette Michele, and Kelly Osborne all had one musical child. Then there's something that only [Adele] brings. This woman is to be looked out for."

Second comment following:
"That's kind of awful to tell someone that... I mean... really...."


And she is really. The first song I heard from her is "Hometown Glory" which got me hooked. I wouldn't go as far as to say that she is the love child of the four. Winehouse probably--although I wouldn't recommend having any babies with her at the moment seeing her current over-drugged state (great singer though). But I think that she's got a very powerful female voice that's often missed by the musical attaches. Most female singers nowadays are praised for their ability to hit high notes and break glassware. As for myself I prefer lower key notes. Such artist that would be compared to her are Lauryn Hill, Brandi Carlile, and Natalie Cole (well somewhat Natalie Cole, but only because at the moment I can't think of anyone else.

I managed to get Gay Henchman to play it for me on the piano many times until his fingers bled. But not to worry for those of you who still worry about his abusive treatment: he agreed and got paid for his time.

One Beauty of Water

Dear Poppy,

I live in the eastern parts of Los Angeles where we're prone to triple digits. But when I go to the beach I end up wearing a jacket. Why is it cold at the beach when it's scorching at home?

signed,
Hot and irritable

Dear H.I.

It's hot in Los Angeles, no one will dismiss that!

If you live in the desert you complain of the heat. If you live in the tropics you complain of the humidity. Personally I'd rather live in dry heat. I think I can speak for everyone when I say that one is less irritable when they're not marinating in their own sweat. I'm less irritated when I'm not marinating in my own sweat.
But we both live in Southern California. We get the best of both worlds.

But answering your question is very simple (why can't you ask me a gay related question?!): water.
Water is a lovely substance. And you should be glad that the earth is hugged by a lot of it or else the temperature on this planet would be as hot as Venus. For you see, my baby, one of the unique beauties of water is that it has a very high specific heat. Simply put in this case is that water can absorb a lot of heat before its own temperature raises. It's the same principle to stepping into a puddle on a hot day. The puddle is far cooler than the concrete around it. And since coastal cities are, as the name implies, near the coast; the heat that they get gets absorbed by the body of water: the ocean.

But please, don't try to mock the cooling effects of the ocean by breaking the hydrants and flooding your neighborhood. There's already a water shortage.
Just deal with the valley/inland heat by buying an energy efficient air conditioner or go spend your time someplace where it's cooler (like the library or the mall).

Until next time!
Poppy C.U. Montage

You Gays Can Get Married Now (... nice!)

Gay Henchman runs into my room yesterday morning and hurls a newspaper at the foot of my bed. I chew my toast (because I always have my toast in bed) and look nonchallantly at the newspaper.
He's jumping around, an expression on his face that can easily shame a lotto winner.
"Aren't you glad?" he asks me, "I can get married now!"
I joke around to bruise ego. "That is if you have a man you can marry."
But he did not care for my comments, he was too happy of the California State Supreme Court ruling the gay marriage ban unconstitutional.

As he should. After all gays are a part of this society. If they want to contribute the the sky-rocketing divorce rate, I don't see why they shouldn't!

But I had to clarify Gay Henchman's understanding of the verdict. The law was nullified and declared unconstitutional. It's just simply saying that the state can't ban him from getting married to "a dude"... however there's no law that says he can either. The court can't legalize anything... only explain or justify. That's what the legislature is for.
But that shouldn't stop him from getting hitched Vegas style. After all this country was founded on setting various precedents. I say: why not get married while there's still dust in the air from this victory?

I do foresee this as the beginning of a new gay rights movement though as sexual orientation does encompass a myriad of issues that entangles race, gender, and class. For example can one gain citizenship from a gay marriage? Can gays now sue because the "don't ask don't tell" policy is a form of discrimination?

I sure am excited to live in this day of history!

Using Your Good Looks To Climb The Working Ladder

Dear Poppy

I'm a 23 y/o out of college starting my first professional job. I consider myself a hard worker but I don't think it’s a quality that will get me to better things. I also consider myself pretty attractive, a 10 out of 10! Should I put what God gave me to good use? Do you think it's okay for me to use my sexuality to get ahead?

signed,
Potentially Sexual


Dear Kinetic Horn-Tooter,
A ten, eh? Send me a pic, I'll be sure to find something wrong with ya!
Kidding.
My personal opinion is that people have the right to happily flaunt whatever they have regardless if they have it or not... given that they'd want to (as well as it not being considered a misdemeanor). But there is a time and place. However to that I will say that timing and placement are subjective! You don't seem to mind to shake what your momma gave you--and that's completely fine! just make sure you're the people's type.
But before you do, you should be aware that you're lookin' to

1) You want to be objectified. Everyone has a right to do what they wish... even if it's to set certain civil rights a few years back.

2) Actual Sex: You don't think with all that flaunting that the flaunted will just stop at the stares, right? It's human nature to look, then smell, then touch (and if they're kinky, taste!) Be prepared to be asked to be asked to put out for the executives, ho! But I'm sure you'll be okay with looking at your fine self in your soon-to-be corner office. Also beware: some of your superiors are married... and have money (who can afford to have you killed, j/k)

3) You want to be labeled as the "token wench": Your superiors (or whoever you're trying to attract) may like you, but your competitors won't. They will eat you like you're marinated in A1 Steak Sauce. Another thing is that it's kind of hard to be taken seriously once you've been barred as the company slut... and it's also hard to ditch the name (unless of course you suddenly became ugly the next day. But let's face it, I'm sure you look good in ANYTHING, right?). You may also want to think aboout what your current coworkers will say about you if you move onto a different job. People love to gossip, otherwise the gossip collumns would have gone bankrupt decades ago.

4) You want to come off as unprofessional: I have seen many good-looking critters out of a job because of this. There are many things one can do to come off as unprofessional. No matter what level, being a skank is one of them. Once you are viewed as unprofessional (on top of being the token wench) then it's EXTREMELY difficult to restore people's faith in your work ethic. You should also memorize the company's policy on sexual harassment. Chances are you will make a coworker uncomfortable (most likely one of the uglier ones) and they will report you. And people aren't as reserved as they were in the olden days. This is modern America. EVERYONE has opinions and gives them (even when it's not required).

And I'm not saying that the latter situations are guaranteed to happen. Many people do use their good traits to get ahead. Some of them succeed and get to the top. But there are also other ways. I'm glad you're a hard worker; I've never heard of one who doesn't advance. Well actually I have, but they never have the nerve to ask to be promoted. (If the latter still doesn't happen, then it's time to move to a different job because that my kiddies is called "exploitation"!)
For you, my darling, work hard and keep tooting your horn. It's probably better to be heard of your AND THEN seen. Yes, you'll annoy people but it's not as ethically conflicting!

Until Next Time,
Poppy C.U. Montage