One Beauty of Water

Dear Poppy,

I live in the eastern parts of Los Angeles where we're prone to triple digits. But when I go to the beach I end up wearing a jacket. Why is it cold at the beach when it's scorching at home?

signed,
Hot and irritable

Dear H.I.

It's hot in Los Angeles, no one will dismiss that!

If you live in the desert you complain of the heat. If you live in the tropics you complain of the humidity. Personally I'd rather live in dry heat. I think I can speak for everyone when I say that one is less irritable when they're not marinating in their own sweat. I'm less irritated when I'm not marinating in my own sweat.
But we both live in Southern California. We get the best of both worlds.

But answering your question is very simple (why can't you ask me a gay related question?!): water.
Water is a lovely substance. And you should be glad that the earth is hugged by a lot of it or else the temperature on this planet would be as hot as Venus. For you see, my baby, one of the unique beauties of water is that it has a very high specific heat. Simply put in this case is that water can absorb a lot of heat before its own temperature raises. It's the same principle to stepping into a puddle on a hot day. The puddle is far cooler than the concrete around it. And since coastal cities are, as the name implies, near the coast; the heat that they get gets absorbed by the body of water: the ocean.

But please, don't try to mock the cooling effects of the ocean by breaking the hydrants and flooding your neighborhood. There's already a water shortage.
Just deal with the valley/inland heat by buying an energy efficient air conditioner or go spend your time someplace where it's cooler (like the library or the mall).

Until next time!
Poppy C.U. Montage

You Gays Can Get Married Now (... nice!)

Gay Henchman runs into my room yesterday morning and hurls a newspaper at the foot of my bed. I chew my toast (because I always have my toast in bed) and look nonchallantly at the newspaper.
He's jumping around, an expression on his face that can easily shame a lotto winner.
"Aren't you glad?" he asks me, "I can get married now!"
I joke around to bruise ego. "That is if you have a man you can marry."
But he did not care for my comments, he was too happy of the California State Supreme Court ruling the gay marriage ban unconstitutional.

As he should. After all gays are a part of this society. If they want to contribute the the sky-rocketing divorce rate, I don't see why they shouldn't!

But I had to clarify Gay Henchman's understanding of the verdict. The law was nullified and declared unconstitutional. It's just simply saying that the state can't ban him from getting married to "a dude"... however there's no law that says he can either. The court can't legalize anything... only explain or justify. That's what the legislature is for.
But that shouldn't stop him from getting hitched Vegas style. After all this country was founded on setting various precedents. I say: why not get married while there's still dust in the air from this victory?

I do foresee this as the beginning of a new gay rights movement though as sexual orientation does encompass a myriad of issues that entangles race, gender, and class. For example can one gain citizenship from a gay marriage? Can gays now sue because the "don't ask don't tell" policy is a form of discrimination?

I sure am excited to live in this day of history!

Using Your Good Looks To Climb The Working Ladder

Dear Poppy

I'm a 23 y/o out of college starting my first professional job. I consider myself a hard worker but I don't think it’s a quality that will get me to better things. I also consider myself pretty attractive, a 10 out of 10! Should I put what God gave me to good use? Do you think it's okay for me to use my sexuality to get ahead?

signed,
Potentially Sexual


Dear Kinetic Horn-Tooter,
A ten, eh? Send me a pic, I'll be sure to find something wrong with ya!
Kidding.
My personal opinion is that people have the right to happily flaunt whatever they have regardless if they have it or not... given that they'd want to (as well as it not being considered a misdemeanor). But there is a time and place. However to that I will say that timing and placement are subjective! You don't seem to mind to shake what your momma gave you--and that's completely fine! just make sure you're the people's type.
But before you do, you should be aware that you're lookin' to

1) You want to be objectified. Everyone has a right to do what they wish... even if it's to set certain civil rights a few years back.

2) Actual Sex: You don't think with all that flaunting that the flaunted will just stop at the stares, right? It's human nature to look, then smell, then touch (and if they're kinky, taste!) Be prepared to be asked to be asked to put out for the executives, ho! But I'm sure you'll be okay with looking at your fine self in your soon-to-be corner office. Also beware: some of your superiors are married... and have money (who can afford to have you killed, j/k)

3) You want to be labeled as the "token wench": Your superiors (or whoever you're trying to attract) may like you, but your competitors won't. They will eat you like you're marinated in A1 Steak Sauce. Another thing is that it's kind of hard to be taken seriously once you've been barred as the company slut... and it's also hard to ditch the name (unless of course you suddenly became ugly the next day. But let's face it, I'm sure you look good in ANYTHING, right?). You may also want to think aboout what your current coworkers will say about you if you move onto a different job. People love to gossip, otherwise the gossip collumns would have gone bankrupt decades ago.

4) You want to come off as unprofessional: I have seen many good-looking critters out of a job because of this. There are many things one can do to come off as unprofessional. No matter what level, being a skank is one of them. Once you are viewed as unprofessional (on top of being the token wench) then it's EXTREMELY difficult to restore people's faith in your work ethic. You should also memorize the company's policy on sexual harassment. Chances are you will make a coworker uncomfortable (most likely one of the uglier ones) and they will report you. And people aren't as reserved as they were in the olden days. This is modern America. EVERYONE has opinions and gives them (even when it's not required).

And I'm not saying that the latter situations are guaranteed to happen. Many people do use their good traits to get ahead. Some of them succeed and get to the top. But there are also other ways. I'm glad you're a hard worker; I've never heard of one who doesn't advance. Well actually I have, but they never have the nerve to ask to be promoted. (If the latter still doesn't happen, then it's time to move to a different job because that my kiddies is called "exploitation"!)
For you, my darling, work hard and keep tooting your horn. It's probably better to be heard of your AND THEN seen. Yes, you'll annoy people but it's not as ethically conflicting!

Until Next Time,
Poppy C.U. Montage

Bad Day (Daniel Powter eat your heart out)

Bad Day (Daniel Powter eat your heart out!)

Today has been a cascading effect of misfortunes. Every person at least has one a year but I think in my case, and this being an optimistic view, I have a bad season. It just came as a shock to me that I had to declare this day a bad day half way around noon.

So what has happened to me you might ask? Well for started I was doing my finances today and I realize that I'm missing money. A LOT OF IT. I'm very good with tracking my finances, using not only various computer programs, but also keeping track of my green trail manually. After interrogating (as well as torturing) Gay Henchman and declaring him innocent of this crime, he helped me recount my finances of this month. "You're missing money. A lot of it," he redundantly concurred.

My plants suffered mass extinction. For some unknown reason insects and gastropods (snails and slugs) found my botanical haven to be the more appetizing than the surrounding neighborhoods and decided to have a buffet Packman style. Among the casualty is my favorite potted gardenia of which I have had for almost 10 years. There is slightly a silver lining to this: although most of my gardenia was found chewed up, a small portion of It remains untouched. Perhaps I can pay Gay Henchman for his green thumb. After all he is a budding botanist!
(he read it and said not just a no, but a "HELL no".)

My computer crashed. This happened roughly around the time Gay Henchman and I were outside observing the mass herbicide. Thanks to my Gay Computer Tech Support who advised me to always back up my files, I backed up my hard drive just about a week ago. The bad news to this week has been a productive week for me. I had written quite a few new things. My pile of things to edit had been diminished. But sad to say I must repeat all of that ordeal once more. I'd pay someone to do it, but apparently I'm missing money.

These series of demoralizing events makes me want to drink but I think I shall hold off on that. Drinking's for celebration and not to make the problems go away (with the exception of a family member). Sigh* looks like I just have to keep at it! Hell if this keeps up I'll be gunned down AND run over by a car by 10 PM!

On the bright side, I did buy a lottery ticket. This all maybe just prepaid Karma and that something good will come along in the near future. I mean after all I have been a good little Poppy Montage!

Until then,

Poppy C.U. Montage!

Okay So It's Not The Flower Fields of Carlsbad (but I think better)

Someday I Will Get Fired!

Good thing I have the option to work on this whenever I can otherwise I would get fired for my inability to commit to a deadline. But, like most of my time-rich things in my life, journalism is something I prefer to leave to the professionals.
… I’m Poppy Montage, who said anything about me being a professional?!

Unfortunately, due to an illness, I couldn't get to see the Carlsbad Flower Fields. That has been put off for the next peaked rainy season (which is probably the next election year). But this week I travel to the far corners of Los Angeles County to observe one of the most spectacular things a city dweller (like myself) can see. No the photo above you is not a product of Photoshop. There are many reasons why California is nicknamed “The Golden State.” There are two main reasons. The first is the discovery of gold in Northern California Mountains which sparked the Gold Rush. The California Poppy, evident from the picture above, is the second reason.

Botanically speaking the California Poppy wasn’t the only plant to make the landscapes of California golden; many of the state’s native perennial population aided. However, when Europeans settled in North America, much of the landscape was changed by invasive species. Brightly hued flora was replaced with golden brown. Unprotected hills to this day still turn gold, but they’re not as vivid and they are usually from grasses.

The area you are looking at now is a protected land in the Antelope Valley called the California Poppy Reserve. From downtown Los Angeles you’re looking at an hour and a half car ride, while the nearest city is Lancaster. If you’re into nature this is surely one event worth seeing!

Poppies bloom roughly from March through late May. The best time I would recommend is going to the reserve around mid to late April, as blooming is at peak and you will see the golden carpet of poppies as far as the eye can see. There are other plants that also bloom there such as an endangered fiddleneck that Gay Henchman almost stepped on. Occasionally as you walk around you will spot a white flower blooming in incongruity, usually a dahlia or a dandelion.

We arrived late in the afternoon. The reason why we left so late is because we wanted to avoid the deadly desert heat. Much to our surprise the temperature was actually very comfortable, offering gentle breezes and cloud filled skies. Now there are both a good side and a bad side to arriving at 5:15 in the afternoon. On the bad side we were unfortunate enough to arrive and find that the reserve had just closed for the day (Weekend hours are 10AM-5PM) Contrary to that, we were free to stop on the side of the road and venture off into the fields outside of the reserve.

It’s really breathtaking when you get there. Looking at this picture and enjoying it is one thing, but having to actually be physically there is another. No camera, no matter how well it is adjusted to a panoramic setting, will ever compare to actually being there.


Okay, just because we took the less taken paths to the poppies, it wasn’t necessarily legal. The Golden Poppy is protected by three governments and if you were caught I understood you could be facing heavy fines and possible jail time. (It’s weird because what will the other inmates think of you when you went to jail for stepping on flowers?! You’ll become someone’s bitch by the end of that hour!) Local authorities do periodically patrol outside of the reserve for people who do get out of their cars and take pictures. Fortunately we had already finished looking around and was about to leave when they passed by us. After some brief discussion about how delicate this ecosystem was, we managed to convince them that we barely arrived.

But Gay Henchman did some frolicking. I think that’s allowed. After all he is a homosexual. I think it’s a requirement for them to frolic when they come across this certain landscape. It would violate all laws of homosexuality if he didn’t.